While you tell your day with a lot – with its ups and downs – your friend has their eyes on his screen. He scrolls on Instagram and loose “Yes, you’re right”, “yes, it’s nice …” mechanical. A vexing posture, which boosts you. But rather than reacting violently, and risking endangering your friendship, learn to choose … your words. Here are a few that will help you defuse the atmosphere, according to Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
Why does the “Je M’ue-Foutisme” annoy you so much?
When someone prefers his phone to real life, the implicit message is clear: “”What is happening on my screen is more interesting than you “. An attitude which may seem harmless, but which day after day, erodes the complicity, creates a gap and weakens the link.
What irritates so much is not only the lack of listening, but also (and above all) the feeling of being relegated to the background. We speak, but the other is only half there: his body is present, but his mind wanders in another universe, that of infinite notifications and scrolls.
The problem ? While this situation deserves to be settled as quickly as possible, many of us refrain from any note, for fear of passing for a person likely and/or at the origin of a conflict. Result ? We accumulate frustrations, we ruminate, and by dint of saying nothing, the ditch widens even more.
Isn’t your friend listening to you? Here is what our psychologist advises
Psychologist Amélie Boukhobza offers to react, but with intelligence: “It is obviously not a question of humiliating or attacking. But sometimes a well -placed sentence puts the record straight “, she says. “Because speaking in a vacuum is anything but pleasant”, continues the expert.
The practitioner suggests sliding at the table “Some implied“Depending on your degree of humor … or weariness:
- “Do you prefer your screen or my company?” ;
- “Maybe I disturb you in your appointment with Instagram?” ;
- “It’s nice to talk to someone who seems to be bored to be there …”;
- “I feel a little too much, I come back when you available?” ;
And if you are in a more cash:
- “I piss you off?” ;
- “Is it so boring to be with me?”.
The art of saying things … without becoming the situation
Even if the temptation is great to let go of a “I bother you?“A bit aggressive, it is sometimes better to bet on humor. A light remark defuses tensions while passing the message:”OUI, I’m here, and I need your attention“. Or: “You know I’m in front of you, huh? Not in your phone.”
You can also choose tenderness: a small gesture, a hand placed on the arm, one “I would like to find you there now“. It’s a soft but firm way to bring the other back into the conversation.
Do not trivialize inattention
As Amélie Boukhobza reminds us, “Feeling that the other is half there, half elsewhere, that he responds to the idle, offset, in a disjointed way, is not a small detail. “ Chronic inattention ends up using the relationship. This is not only a question of politeness, but respect.
“So yes, we can say it. With humor, with tenderness, with annoyance, with love … we can formulate it how we want, but we are not obliged to be silent”, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.