The 6 hours that make love last
After observing numerous couples throughout his career, Dr. Gottman has identified habits that build a strong relationship. Here is how these six hours are distributed throughout the week:
1. Key moments in the morning (10 minutes per week)
Every day, take a few minutes to ask your partner how they are doing or what they want from their day.
“Showing interest in another, even briefly, is a valuable mark of attention,” underlines the psychologist.
2. Daily reunions (1h40 per week, or 20 minutes per day)
6-second hugs and kisses, followed by a caring conversation about the past day, are essential. These moments of exchange create a bubble of intimacy and empathy.
3. An Appreciative Dialogue (35 minutes per week)
Take the time to tell your partner what you appreciate about them. No need to wait for a special occasion, a sweet word or spontaneous compliment every week is enough.
4. Tender gestures (35 minutes per week)
Whether it’s a massage, a dance or a simple caress, devote at least 5 minutes a day to gestures of affection that strengthen bonding.
5. A romantic evening (2 hours per week)
Whether it’s dinner, a movie or a walk, set aside an entire evening for your couple. The goal? Find yourself, far from daily distractions.
6. Take stock of the relationship (1 hour per week)
Take an hour to discuss delicate topics: conflicts, disagreements or upcoming projects. This moment of honest dialogue helps clarify misunderstandings and prevent them from accumulating.
Quality takes precedence over quantity
While this “ideal time” may seem universal, couples operate differently. According to Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist, it’s not so much the quantity of hours that matters, but the quality of the time spent together.
“Each couple must find their own rhythm. What matters is that these moments are sincere, unforced and pleasant. Time spent together should not become a rigid rule,” nuances the expert.
Take time to love yourself, without pressure
These six hours a week are a proposition, not an obligation. What matters is to adapt these recommendations to your daily life and live them to the fullest. No need to take out a stopwatch: the important thing is to invest in your relationship with gestures and attention that matter to both of you.