To love a person and yet to be bored in intimacy is a more common reality than we imagine. The daily life is harmonious, the common projects are there, but under the duvet, it is the shadow on the board. Can you save your relationship when love is present, but that sexual passion is no longer there? For Dr. Sébastien Doerper, this subject remains taboo while he crosses many couples. Good news, however: solutions exist to rekindle the flame and get out of sexual boredom, without going through separation.
Sexual boredom, a question of learning
The sexologist recalls that the lack of alchemy in a couple does not mean inevitable. “”It should probably be remembered that sexuality is not innate. There are therefore no people intuitively gifted and capable of sex and others not. We learn throughout life and there is no harm to that“He explains.
According to him, some partners arrive with more experience than others. This should not be blocking: “There are people who know their bodies well and others who have experienced less. The idea is to say in this case “Let’s learn together ‘: Teach the other how you work, and how it can work, what it can appreciate“.
This mutual learning is a first key to getting out of boredom and regaining living intimacy.
When routine weighs on desire
Over the years, even solid couples are not immune to shortness of breath. “”In a common life, it comes to a moment we fall into boredom, because of an overly busy daily life, concern, fatigue … In this case the priority would be to discover how to turn back on the flame, and how to recreate a sexual space in the couple“Underlines the sexologist.
He sometimes recommends a specialized consultation to flatten expectations and restore a place to desire in the relationship. “”We are finally still in the field of discovery“He insists.
Separation or new luck?
The temptation to break can arise when frustration becomes too heavy. But for Dr Doerper, this is not the first option: “We talk about people who love each other, who hold one to each other who build together. Of course, if nothing is going well, if you are unhappy … it can get along. But before considering a separation, we should already manage to communicate, to discuss the problem. A separation should not intervene before trying to save his sex and intimate life in two“.
In short, sexual boredom can be an alarm signal, but also an opportunity to get to know each other better and recreate intensity in the relationship.