Sometimes it only takes a few minutes to feel that an encounter is already tiring us out. A tone, a remark, a way of cutting off speech… Certain signals can say a lot about a person. Here are the ones that should alert you.
The first words that can reveal a difficult person
First signal to identify: the person mainly talks about themselves. She monopolizes the conversation, interrupts, brings each subject back to her experience and asks very few questions.
This behavior, sometimes referred to as “conversational egocentrism,” can reflect a lack of empathy. Another signal: the person systematically presents themselves as a victim. Her colleagues are unfair, her exes were toxic, those around her never understand her… Problems always come from others.
Negativity can also weigh on the exchange. If she criticizes the place, the weather or the people around her, be wary. Same thing when she contradicts everything, even on unimportant subjects, or uses aggressive humor under the guise of a joke.
As summarized by the Spanish media Vanitatis, “Psychology explains that conflictual people often show very clear signals from the start of a conversation and learning to identify them in time not only avoids misunderstandings, it also protects our emotional energy”.
Contempt, a signal not to be trivialized
Words aren’t the only clues. The other person’s facial expressions and reactions can also be revealing.
Top Santé magazine draws in particular on the work of psychologist John Gottman to evoke contempt: rolling your eyes, showing a grin, sighing condescendingly or systematically looking down on others.
The work of David Colvin and Jeffrey Hall, published in 2007, also shows how quickly first impressions build. A few verbal and non-verbal cues can be enough to give us a first impression of someone.
Some authors also make connections with the insecure attachment style. However, this does not allow a diagnosis to be made in a few minutes.
What to do about these signals?
The most important thing is to observe the person’s reaction when you express your needs. Ask an open-ended question, express slight disagreement, or set a small boundary.
If she listens and adapts, it may just be a bad day. On the other hand, if she gets offended, insists or makes fun of your limit, it is better to proceed with caution.