One might believe that a like is nothing more than a mechanical, almost reflex gesture, in the middle of an infinite scroll of images. But aren’t some likes more significant than others, to the point of being the first sign of infidelity in the couple? True Medical asked the question to psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
Understanding the weight of like in love life
When this famous like appears under the photo of another woman considered attractive, the emotional impact can be surprising.
“It is not just a question of jealousy, but more a question of outlook, of place, of what we represent to the other” first of all believes the psychologist Amélie Boukhobza. “Today, social networks have set new ground for couples. They show what, before, remained in everyone’s head. They multiply the comparisons”.
And these clicks leave for some a bitter taste, a feeling of threat in the couple which sometimes has nothing to do with reality.
However, the consequences are very real: by seeing bodies filtered, denatured, modified by cosmetic surgery, we often end up losing self-confidence.
“We don’t just compare ourselves to the person we like. We look at ourselves, in the mirror, and it is in this space that the impressions of not being enough slip. In the past, finding someone attractive remained invisible. Today, a like leaves an interpretable trace, almost a confession that is not one. adds our expert.
In the head of the person who discovers it, several psychological mechanisms are immediately activated: projection, fear of being replaced, feeling of threat. “Reducing these emotions to a simple lack of confidence would be too easy. Even strong people can be affected, because a couple also relies on a form of symbolic exclusivity of gaze” estimates Amélie Boukhobza.
What is at stake on the man’s side
However, rest assured ladies, in the vast majority of cases, a like reflects neither a desire to look elsewhere nor a hidden intention.
“It’s an automatic gesture, encouraged by platforms, often designed to be quick and without real emotional commitment. It can even serve as a little personal validation, a way of existing in a flow where everyone is looking for a little attention.” recalls the psychologist.
Moreover, the like will not be perceived in the same way if it is a photo of a personality. “When the image in question belongs to a celebrity, the feeling changes. Finding a beautiful actress or influencer remains socially acceptable, because the distance makes this like harmless. Nothing to do with a colleague, an acquaintance or someone close, perceived as more accessible and therefore more threatening.”
Is the couple really in danger?
This is probably the fundamental question that anyone asks themselves when faced with this situation.
“The answer oscillates between yes and no” nuance Amélie Boukhobza.
“A like, in itself, is not a betrayal. This is not infidelity, nor even intention. What weakens the couple is everything that the networks have created around it: a permanent comparison, an immense showcase where everyone feels potentially in competition with strangers, impossible images, bodies reconstructed by filters. says our expert.
If this like hurts, it’s not because it announces a breakup or a desire elsewhere.
“It’s because it awakens an already present fear: that of not being looked at enough, of not being desired enough, of being able to be replaced in a market of gaze that has become infinite. It is a very contemporary illustration of the changes that digital technology imposes on life together.” she concludes.