As soon as you sit down on your sofa, the doorbell rings: your neighbor is honoring you with their visit. To offer you a toast to the New Year, report that the paint is crumbling on the facade or that your car, parked incorrectly, risks being removed. Remarks that often have a good intention… except that they invade your living space (and your mind). How, then, can we kindly put him/her in his/her place? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, reveals some tips to us.
Annoying neighbor: an intrusion into privacy
Who has never given eggs or salt to neighbors out of kindness? Everyone, or almost. Helping out your neighbor is (or should be) commonplace. Except that it happens that by being a little too open or friendly, the other person takes advantage.
“Very quickly, I realized that she was a demanding person with a great need to be loved. As soon as she saw me outside gardening or working around the house, she would come calling.” says host Louise Deschâtelets about her neighbor in the columns of the Montreal newspaper.
“Since the beginning, my adjoining neighbor has been looking for stories and taking care of everything that doesn’t concern him.“, confides another Internet user on our forum.
You will have understood: whether the remarks and invitations are positive (bringing a good meal, offering to help as a babysitter, etc.) or negative (spreading neighborhood gossip, complaining about the noise, etc.), having a neighbor (too) present can quickly be disturbing.
But what to do, what to say in this situation? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, answers us.
“Set clear limits”
If the relationship with certain neighbors is fluid and cloudless… with others, everyday life can turn into a nightmare. For example, “those who show up without warning, intrude on your privacy or don’t respect boundaries“can quickly pose a problem,” underlines the expert.
The key? Set clear limits, without falling into aggression.
“This requires direct, sincere, but firm exchanges. If your neighbor shows up without warning, why not say to them, for example: “I’m delighted to see you, but right now, I’m sorry, I’m busy. Can we meet up later? A simple sentence, but one that suggests that your time is precious“, says Amélie Boukhobza.
Also be careful to be consistent: if you tolerate intrusions for too long, reframing them afterwards can prove complex, warns the psychologist.
“By establishing habits from the start, you save yourself a lot of worry. But be careful, setting limits does not mean cutting all ties. There is perhaps a balance to be found between cordiality, good neighborly relations and the preservation of one’s space.“, she emphasizes.
Finally, if nothing changes despite your efforts, you need to know how to protect yourself.
“Reduce interactions, ignore certain requests or even talk about it with other neighbors to better manage the situation. With some people, maintaining a neutral relationship is the best service we can be of…”, confirms Amélie Boukhobza.