On August 23, the former actress Lila Malet filed a complaint for domestic violence that she said that she had suffered between 2012 and 2013. She challenged chief Jean Imbert, thus paving the way for a judicial investigation.
In the process, four of his former companions said they were victims of the same behavior. Among them, Alexandra Rosenfeld, ex-Miss France, who recently expressed himself on social networks as well as on the set of Daily.
Victims who struggle to express themselves, years after
Jean Imbert defends himself from these accusations. He wrote on social networks that he would not comment on these words, “Because one cannot defend ourselves, neither apologize, nor take the floor with dignity in media noise “. His lawyers denounced a “biased and truncated story” after the complaint of Lila Malet.
However, what we notice in this type of business is the fact that victims are often expressed long after the facts.
Why do they still feel fear after having freed themselves from a grip? Why is talking so difficult? How to rebuild yourself? And where does this feeling of shame that accompanies them comes from? Clinical psychologist Amélie Boukhobza answers us.
The fear that persists: when the trauma invites itself to everyday
“”The grip and violence, psychological or physical, leave traces “ First, Amélie Boukhobza begins. “”They weaken self -confidence, install alert reflexes. You feel humiliated, lowered, permanent doubt. We have internalized the danger, and it continues to resonate“. Even after the end of the relationship, the victims remain on the alert. Each interaction or word can awaken this fear, recalling the trauma suffered.
Why talk about what we experienced is so difficult?
The speech of the victims often remains blocked for a long time. According to the psychologist, it is because we “Self -doubt that you fear not being believed. The grip is also that: to be used to minimizing your suffering, to think that you exaggerate, that it is his fault. To no longer know if the problem does not come from itself, in the end. To no longer know what is true, what is false“She still analyzes.
Silence is therefore not a choice ultimately: it results from a powerful psychological conditioning and a fear of judgment.
Rebuild, a long but possible path
Reconstruction after the grip is a progressive process. “”You have to find a benevolent external look, relearn to trust your feelings, sometimes rely on therapeutic work“Explains Amélie Boukhobza.”EMDR can be of great help, because it is indeed a trauma. And above all, do not be alone with what we have experienced. Reconstruction can also go through a new, gentle and respectful relationship “. Little by little, the victims can regain self -esteem and confidence, and rebuild their daily life far from fear.
Paradoxical shame: when guilt is moved
Many victims experience shame, even though they have nothing to blame themselves for. The psychologist underlines: “It is the same thing, in rape affairs. The victim carries what the author projected on her: a guilt, a denigration, the idea that she deserves what happened to her. While in reality, shame should obviously change camps “, she explains. And to add: “Recognizing this mechanism is a key step to free yourself from guilt and regain self -confidence. “