After eight years of living together, Thibault Garcia and Jessica Thivenin announced that they were separating. A divorce which could almost have gone unnoticed, if the influencer had not specified that the initiative came from her husband. Pascal Anger, psychologist and author of the book “The couple and the other” (Editions L’Harmattan) deciphers for True Medical the consequences of this unilateral breakup.
“I really feel like I missed my family”
While they seemed very much in love, the announcement of the breakup of the two influencer-stars came like a blow.
“A few days ago, Thibault made the decision to divorce. I have no choice but to accept this reality, to accept that he no longer loves me. My world, my life, my dreams just fell apart“, confided the young woman.
The influencer, who shared every moment of her family life, recounted her immense disappointment: “My dream was to have a family, to build something solid, to raise my children in love and stability. It’s a huge disappointment because I always believed that when you get together with someone, you overcome challenges, even in the most difficult times.“(…) “Finding myself today in a situation that I cannot control is the hardest thing. I really feel like I’ve missed my family, missed this family life that I had dreamed of… And it breaks me a little more every day“.
For his part, Thibault Garcia chose more sober words: “For several years, happiness has gradually crumbled, love too, through no one’s fault,” he analyzes. “Sometimes life simply pushes us away, despite efforts and intentions. The adventure ends, but the respect and the desire to move forward in peace remain.”.
Without judging this intimate situation, let’s try to see with our expert how to manage a “flash breakup”, when it is unexpected and suffered.
The shock of a brutal announcement
Thibault’s decision surprised even those close to them. And for Jessica, as for anyone left without warning signs, the shock is devastating. “When there have been no prior signs, the breakup falls like a blade: this announcement is terrible for the person who receives it“, recognizes Pascal Anger.
This shock is all the more brutal if there were common projects. “We then find ourselves faced with an immense difficulty in getting back on track. We can also wonder if the other was in agreement with this separation… often, the answer is uncertain. What we can affirm, however, is that it is a real “mourning” and that we must overcome“, assures the psychologist.
Projects, memories, common promises are shattered. The world collapses, and we suddenly have to face an absence that we did not choose.
A breakup which often follows a “difficult daily life”
Often, when we leave someone, we don’t really talk about the reasons. “Separation can be precipitated by illness, a change of job, a move, personal problems… or simply by dissatisfaction which sets in after a joint project, such as an apartment purchased together. specifies the practitioner.
But it can also follow a difficult daily life: lack of emotional support, verbal or physical violence… “At some point, all this tension ends up causing a breakup,” assures Pascal Anger.
But some breakups leave even deeper marks, especially when communication has died down. “Being “ghosted” or ignored can also be devastating: it causes you to lose all self-esteem and plunge into deep distress,” warns the expert again. In this situation, often the other simply did not have the courage to say: “Things aren’t going well between us anymore, we have to end our relationship.”.
“It is therefore one of the most painful wounds: a real internal explosion, accompanied by shame and feelings of guilt. We have the impression that everyone around us is talking about it… when in reality, it is a simple impression amplified by the pain”, reveals the psychologist.
Hasty separation: how to find meaning in it?
To rebuild yourself, refocusing on yourself is recommended. In other words, we should focus on what makes us feel good: a loved one who listens to us, a pleasant pastime (sport, music, drawing, etc.). With time, “the pain will soften“, assures the psychologist.
Another key tip: don’t hold back your tears and write down what you feel on a piece of paper.
“Taking stock of the relationship, identifying what worked and what didn’t, allows you to find meaning again. explains Pascal Anger again. “Finally, you obviously have to be patient (giving yourself time to heal), surround yourself with your loved ones and reflect on yourself. Little by little, life will return to its normal course and we will see more clearly for the future,” concludes Pascal Anger.
What if this painful separation opened, one day, another path? That of a newfound peace, and a stronger self-love.