A relationship that goes around in circles or a conflict that is turned away without anyone changing? The Karpman triangle, theorized by Stephen Karpman in 1968 as part of transactional analysis, highlights three toxic roles that we can adopt without even realizing it. The actors can go from one role to another in a few exchanges, creating a cycle which blocks any constructive communication and prevents the authentic resolution of problems. This dramatic triangle occurs at work, with family, couple or friends.
How do the roles of the Karpman triangle work?
The three positions of the dramatic triangle are interdependent: an individual takes on a role that encourages others to play the other two. Here are the main characteristics:
- The victim considers himself helpless, overwhelmed, unable to change his situation. She is looking for a savior and often calls for help. It can also attract a persecutor;
- The Savior intervenes without being invited, feels valued by helping, but maintains the emotional dependence of the victim and neglects his own needs;
- The critical persecutor dominates, devalues the victim to strengthen his authority or control. He can transform into a victim or savior according to the reactions he arouses.
Why do these roles run in a loop?
In a toxic interaction, the roles can be swapped quickly: the victim becomes a persecutor if he rejects the aid received, the Savior becomes a victim if he feels underestimated, the persecutor becomes apparently a savior when he tries to “repair” after criticizing.
These dynamics are perpetuated because each role offers emotional benefit: the victim seeks recognition or attention, the Savior estimates it by the aid provided, the persecutor a feeling of power. The lack of awareness of this game allows the loop to last up to serious consequences: chronic stress, depression or relational rupture.
5 strategies to get out of the dramatic triangle
Here are concrete actions to free yourself from this type of dynamic:
- Cultivate self -awareness. Hold on a logbook to identify your reactions and the roles you play. Meditation or mindfulness help to take a step back;
- Establish clear limits. Learn to say no, to refuse unlined help, or not to accept destructive criticisms;
- Improve communication. Opt for an adult-adult dialogue, express your emotions sincerely rather than playing a role;
- Develop empathy and autonomy. Encourage the other to take his own responsibilities without resolving them in his place;
- If necessary, look for external support. Coaching, therapy or mediation make it possible to identify the unconscious patterns and the limiting beliefs that feed the triangle.
These steps aim to transform the relational posture: moving from the logic of the conflict to a responsible and constructive communication approach.