What if falling in love was both simpler … and more subtle than you think? The Spanish psychologist Antonio Bolinches, 78, specialist in human relations, affirms it bluntly: “The first condition for falling in love is that you love the person physically, and the second is that they bring you relationship comfort. “
Two apparently simple criteria, but which reveal, to look more closely at the complex alchemy of romantic feelings. In the era of rapid and sometimes ephemeral love, Bolinches invites us to return to the essential: desire and emotional connection.
Physical desire, this spark that we cannot force
We often forget it, but the crush first goes through the senses. The expert insists: physical attraction is an essential trigger. Even if we dream of beautiful conversations and tenderness, without a minimum of sensory alchemy, it is difficult to lay the foundations of a lasting love.
No, it is not superficial to want to be physically attracted to his partner or partner. It’s just human. Love is not built only with the head or the heart: the body also has its say.
Relational comfort, or the art of feeling in its place
But after the spark, you need fuel to make the flame last. And this fuel, according to the psychologist, is emotional comfort. Feel understood, respected, free to be yourself without mask or pressure: this is what distinguishes a fleeting passion from a fulfilling relationship.
This comfort is nestled in little things:
- Be able to speak without censor;
- Be listened to without being tried;
- Feel supported in its moments of fragility;
- Share silences like laughter;
What happens when an ingredient is missing?
- Attraction without emotional link? History can quickly become frustrating or run out of steam;
- Complicity without attraction? It is the risk of a stable but without passion relationship.
The balance, according to the psychologist, is based on two inseparable pillars: the thrill of desire and the warmth of the link. One without the other leaves an unfinished taste.
How do you know if you are in a relationship that checks the two boxes?
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you always feel attracted to the other, physically? ;
- Does his gestures, his gaze, his smile still touch you? ;
- Do you feel free to be yourself, even in your vulnerabilities? ;
- Do your discussions soothe you, even in case of disagreement? ;
- Do you feel sincere respect and listening on a daily basis?
If you answered “Yes” Several times, you are probably in a relationship that combines attraction and the deep link – the real recipe for love, according to Antonio Bolinches.