On a daily basis, certain small gestures and harmless behaviors can leave deep scars. These actions, which are called “micro-trahisons”, say a lot about the couple’s mechanics. Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, sheds light on this phenomenon.
Micro-trahisons, small everyday gestures that hurt
Far from being superfluous, the micro-trahisons translate into missed acts, lies or derogatory remarks which affect the confidence and the love that the couple has.
In front of the family or friends, they manifest themselves by unsuccessful little ones (discover that the other spent for example a much better evening than what he had announced …) or gestures of disdain (“It is your role to get rid of”, “What did you say? I did not listen to you …” …) which are the source of these emotional cracks. But it is difficult to spot them.
“Because they don’t see each other”, Confirms Amélie Boukhobza. “”There is nothing spectacular. Just small gestures, silences, a word, a detail … but that hurt. For example, lying on a detail. Do not say that we are in a relationship. Entrust a tension to someone else. Do not defend the other in front of his friends. Speak behind his back. Let pass a humiliating remark. Laugh at a joke at its expense “, reports the expert.
All these small actions may seem harmless, but they leave a trace.
“And above all they create doubt … and cracks, over time. This accumulation damages the couple and makes you lose confidence. They give the impression that we are no longer on the same side”, still warns the practitioner.
Indeed, each little oversight, each awkward gesture sounds like a cruel reminder: your companion may not be the man/woman of your life. Because your expectations, your needs and your way of communicating are not aligned.
What to do then, if you are concerned?
The key lies in communication and attention paid to the other. Recognizing the importance of small gestures, showing empathy, and expressing your feelings before the frustrations accumulate are all key reflexes to set up.
“”It is absolutely necessary to talk about it“Confirms Amélie Boukhobza. “Not to make a trial, but to underline what hurt. Before the situation degenerates … and to see if it can change”, she said.
Then we observe. “Is there respect, even when you are not there? Do you feel protected, supported, taken into account? Are things evolving?”
Because love must be a space where you feel safe. “”If this is not the case, it is better to turn the page“Concludes the psychologist.