Faced with a manipulative profile, some reflexes can lock you even more in the toxic relationship. Here is a particular error that is essential to avoid.
Errors that strengthen the grip of a manipulator
We do not enter into a toxic relationship overnight. It is a slow, almost imperceptible process, where the limits are blurred, where the affection hides a trap. This is what Christian Richomme, psychoanalyst and therapist in Paris recalls.
“”It is a shift, subtle, insidious, where domination is disguised in attention, where manipulation infiltrates in the relationship with gentleness, then with control. Leaving it is therefore not a simple act of will: it is a process of resumption of power, a reconnection to oneself, to one’s perceptions, to its truth“.
In this well -established mechanism, wanting to dialogue can become a deadly trap. The specialist is formal: “Faced with a manipulator, we often think we can get out of it by explaining, dialoguing,” making him hear reason “. But this is precisely where the error does not commit: wanting to convince someone who does not seek the truth, but power”. The more you argue, the more you feed your game.
Why should you never justify yourself in the face of a manipulator
Why do we react like this? Simply because when you are criticized or lowered, the instinct pushes to defend itself, to explain. “”This behavior strengthens the illusion of dialogue, gives fuel to the manipulator, which exploits your words, your contradictions, your hesitations. Because he does not listen to you to understand. He listens to you to go back better “ Ensures the therapist.
The logic of these personalities is not that of dialogue or reciprocity.
“”The manipulator does not work like you. He has neither the same intention nor the same emotional logic. It is not in reciprocity, but in domination. Its objective is not peace, but control of narration “.
Why they will never change, and how to resume power
Finally, behind this desire for dialogue hides the “following false idea: to believe that we can” save “or change the manipulator. This is what Johanna Ronzenbum, clinical psychologist, in a previous article, explained to us.
“It must be understood that these people have such a esteem of themselves that introspection, criticism, questioning are impossible to them. These are people who will not evolve.”
And she supports her point with an overwhelming observation. “”As a health professional, we have victims of manipulators, or narcissistic perverts every week, but never from these facts. Never”.
In other words, looking for dialogue or mutual recognition will not lead anywhere. Worse: this can worsen your own isolation. “”Your reasoning, as constructed and legitimate as it is, does not operate. And is even risky: these people often handle the verb better than others, and perceive your flaws better, to better return the situation “ she also confirms.
And this person who seemed to be loving, attentive to the start, was just a lure. “”The fantasy of changing the person or finding the one you knew at the start is just a fantasy, the manipulator actually wore a mask to seduce you and the dreamed person does not exist “ she concludes.