After 5, 10 or 15 years of relationship, we can often think that desire goes out, even that it disappears completely. Except that a survey of the Kinsey Institute conducted with more than 4000 monogamous couples shows the opposite: the vast majority of couples continue to have naughty thoughts. And a fantasy precisely – sometimes deemed embarrassing – stands out.
Swinging, a fantasy often confined to the imagination
Against all expectations, almost a third of the participants evoke swinging (practice where couples temporarily exchange their partners) or triolism (sexual practice involving three partners)) as frequent fantasy (s). The idea of integrating a third party into the conjugal room seems to make people interviewed vibrate.
Unstoppable results when you know that this sexual practice has experienced real boom in recent years. A survey conducted by Ifop also reveals that 5 % of French people have already practiced swinging, compared to only 2.4 % in 1992, a doubling over thirty years.
“”This study attests to the fact that an increasing proportion of the population no longer limits its sexuality to a conventional conjugal framework. Indeed, if the introduction of one or more partners in the sexual life of a couple is always a risk taking, it also appears as a form of codified extra-marital behavior in which everyone is associated with the sexual games of the other“reveal the researchers.
However, swinging remains – for the vast majority – a purely imaginary fantasy. Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, enlightens us on this gap.
An erotic thought that tests the solidity of the link
The idea of inviting a third party – or another couple – in the excite scenario, while often remaining in the domain of the imaginary.
“In reality, the swinging or triolism project is rarely shared by the two partners. When there is a real will to act, one of the two often thinks more and the other follows … out of love or for fear of disappointing. This also explains why this fantasy generally remains in its place: in the imaginary”, she says.
Talking about it in a secure setting, without pressure, can nevertheless be very stimulating. “Nothing but the fact of saying it, to talk about it freely, sometimes is enough to excite. This discussion installs confidence: that of being able to share its desires without risk of judgment. In some, this conversation will reassure the ego -” I can excite it just with words ” – while in others, it tests the solidity of the link”, continues the expert.
Each fantasy also says something about oneself. “Sadism is not swinging, and vice versa. This desire must resonate with its history, its imagination. Here, there can be the idea of showing your companion, under your gaze, which we are capable of … and therefore to remain, despite everything, in a space controlled and heard by the couple”.
“What makes this fantasy exciting is not necessarily the other body: it is rather a question here of the prohibition, the novelty, the mastery … We keep control, unlike adultery, which escapes the couple. Clearly, we play with fire … but without burning”, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.