Diagnosed with fronto-temporal dementia several years ago, actor Bruce Willis would only be than the shadow of himself. In July, the media The Express Tribune claimed that the star would have become silent and that she would no longer be able to read or walk. A quick and difficult decline that forced his wife Emma Heming to make a heartbreaking decision.
Bruce Willis, placed in a specialized establishment
Thus, in a program for ABC, the young woman married to the actor since 2009 said she had placed her husband in a specialized care establishment, very close to their home. “”It was one of the most difficult decisions I have had to make so far “, she underlines with emotion. But the care needed by Bruce Willis today, and the balance of his family led to this inevitable outcome.
“Bruce would have liked this for our daughters (aged 13 and 11). He would have liked them to live in a home more suited to their needs, and not to his own” she says. The family and the actor would have found a balance by this way, sharing daily moments, but letting the team of caregivers take care of the medical. However, his sincere speech did not fail to receive a rain of criticism.
“They have no say to say” Emma Heming responds to criticism
In addition to facing a new life, without her husband, Emma Heming must therefore wipe the aggressiveness of an audience in misunderstanding. A situation that she lives hard but against whom the young woman, helpful for several years, is not ready to be silent.
“Too often caregivers are tried quickly and unjustly by those who have not lived this experience or who have not found themselves on the front line” she said on Instagram on August 29. A theme that she addresses more deeply in her testimony, The UNEXPRETED JOURNEYpublished on September 9.
“”Everyone will have an opinion, but you must remember that most people do not have the experience necessary to support it and that, in this case, they should not give their opinion and you should not take it into account. “
Before signing the same momentum: “Even if someone knows well the dementia or the disease you are dealing with, this person is not at home, so they do not know how your loved one behaves, nor how your family works. (…) If they have not lived this experience, they do not have a say.”
A sometimes guilty decision, but for the good of all
Like many caregivers, Emma Heming must therefore justify a decision made for the good of all. A decision that often initiates guilt, despite the need.
“”Place a parent in Nursing is a decision that can be overwhelming, and often responsible for guilt. We wonder if we made the right choice, if we could not have taken care of it, or if we have not abandoned a loved one … However, this decision is also the one that stems from the need to guarantee a better care “ Exhibited Amélie Boukhobza in an article devoted to this subject. But why are we making us feel guilty?
“”There guilt The feeling is often born not to do enough. But the reality is that taking care of someone requires specific skills, time and energy that we do not always have“Added our expert.
However, specialized establishments offer a medical and secure framework, daily support that one cannot always ensure at home and activities that we would probably not be able to offer. “Not to mention that seeing his parent age and decline is already a painful process and probably the start of mourning very difficult to accept, whatever his age”.
Accept the change, and hold on
To cross the placement test more serenely, it is essential to step back and observe the situation with lucidity. “”We imagine being able to manage everything alone, but not “recalls Amélie Boukhobza. Recognizing its limits is not a sign of abandonment, but on the contrary proof of clairvoyance: “This simply means adapting care to the real needs of his close. “
When guilt becomes too heavy, the psychologist advises to put words on her emotions, whether with a loved one or a person who has already had the same experience. “”It is a first step towards acceptance“, She says.
And if the discomfort persists, the use of a professional can be precious to learn to cross this step. Amélie Boukhobza finally recalls some key points:
- Accept her emotions, recognizing that guilt is normal, without letting her invade all thoughts;
- Maintain a regular link with their parent, by visits, exchanges or even calls;
- Being indulgent to oneself, keeping in mind that the decision was made to ensure the comfort and safety of the loved one;
- Understanding that accompanying a placed parent is also being present differently, sometimes with more serenity.