It is a situation at least delicate. While you had put all your energy in this diet – and that it has borne fruit – your Jules has trouble with this new body, relieved of any form of roundness. What to do then to unlock the situation? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, sheds light on us.
Weight loss … sometimes problematic
Gastrointestinal diseases, hormonal problems, cancer, increased stress … The possible causes of weight loss are numerous and varied. But when the latter is voluntary – and initiated by a change of lifestyle – it can be difficult to face the lack of support from his partner. He who was however present at all levels, now says he is “disturbed” by your new silhouette.
“We often think that losing weight will improve everything: energy, confidence, clothes … And this is often true. So we say that this” modification “will also improve the relationship. But we do not always predict the reaction of the other. A slightly distant look, a remark in the air, a touch that changes … as if our transformation was disturbing …”, underlines Amélie Boukhobza.
Indeed, this new body envelope can be more destabilizing than expected.
“Some partners are confused, for fear that we take too much assurance … or that we attract more. Sometimes still, the discomfort comes simply from this new body, which no longer corresponds to the one they liked. They loved us more round, perhaps sweeter, more” reassuring “… and something has moved”, continues the expert.
However, this lack of enthusiasm is difficult because we would like them to rejoice with us, “And not that they make us feel guilty of having changed … and even less than they sabotage what we have built with so much effort and perseverance”, recognizes the specialist.
So what to do in this situation?
First of all, it is essential to take a moment to identify what you feel. Sadness, frustration and anger are legitimate emotions. Your transformation is the result of personal work, and not feel supported can deeply hurt.
“Then you must understand that their reaction talks about them, not you”, Affirms Amélie Boukhobza. “”It may be a lack of confidence, insecurity, a destabilization of their base “, underlines the psychologist.
Indeed, you do not have to excuse the hurtful remarks, but you must however understand its origin to respond effectively. Then you will have to put words.
“”To say what this change represents for you … and finally wonder if the relationship is due to a weight … or something deeper “, she says.
Because, yes, you have the right to change, to flourish, to evolve … even if it shakes up the balance of the couple! Your well-being should never be a threat to the relationship, but land favorable to its development.