Is orgasm necessarily the icing on the cake in terms of sexuality? A new study published in The International Journal of Sexual Health denies this popular belief. Yes orgasm is appreciated, but no, it does not do everything in the act.
Those who reach orgasm each time are not the most satisfied
To achieve these conclusions, researchers interviewed nearly 900 Neo-Zealand participants about their sex life, their relationship to pleasure, the frequency of their orgasms-solo as in a couple-and the importance of sex in their lives. Result: there is certainly a correlation between regular orgasm and satisfaction, but women who reach orgasm at each (or almost each) relationship are not necessarily more satisfied than those which do not enjoy systematically.
In other words: the absence of orgasm during sexual intercourse does not mean failure or dissatisfaction. An observation that shaken what researchers call “orgasmic imperative”, this deeply rooted belief according to which a sexual relationship would not be successful only in the condition of leading to an orgasm.
Unnecessary pressure, and often counterproductive
For Alexandra K. Janssen, the main author of the study, this widespread idea that orgasm must be the ultimate goal of the sexual intercourse often creates unnecessary pressure, even a form of distress when this pleasure does not happen. “”IIt is normal and acceptable not to have orgasm with each sexual intercourse, and it can even be a good thing “she says.
An observation that fully shares the Sexologist Paolo Furgiuele contacted by True Medical. “”Many women I meet in consultation wonder if they work “normally”, he explains.“They feel guilty not to enjoy each report, as if the orgasm was the ultimate proof of a successful sexuality. But that is not true. What matters is what you feel in your body, in your head, and in the relationship.”
Pleasure is not just about enjoyment
Researcher also observed that other non -orgasmal factors play a major role in sexual satisfaction: emotional intimacy, tenderness, sensuality, quality of the link, but also the state of mind and the context of the moment. In short, the pleasure does not only depend on the mechanics of the body, but on the whole of the lived experience.
“”This shows that we sometimes expect too much, or too quickly, sex “continues Paolo Furgiuele. “”We forget that they have their own rhythm, that they depend on the desire of the moment, the emotional state, the link with the other. There is no good or bad sexuality. There is what suits you, here, here and now “.
This look also joins an important point of the study: the frequency of sexual intercourse is often linked to the quality of the relationship, and not to a simple desire to reach more often orgasm. Having regular sexuality can reflect a strong link, a bond, but not necessarily a quest for performance.
A sexuality released from standards
These results, in accordance with other research carried out in Western countries, open the way to a more human and personalized approach to sexuality, both in the intimate sphere and therapy. For Alexandra Janssen, professionals should accompany couples by exploring the brakes on intimacy or unrealistic expectations, rather than offering them to increase the frequency or aim for more orgasms.
An orientation that Paolo Furgiuele fully supports: “I am not telling women:” Stop putting you pressure! “I tell them: “Do as you feel it, at the rate that is yours.” Orgasm can be a highlight, of course, but it is not the only mark of sexual pleasure. Some women do not reach orgasm, but are perfectly happy in their intimate life. What is important is the subjective feeling, not an imposed frequency or an external standard “.
Less pressure, more presence: what if that was, the real revolution of pleasure?