Definition: What is Philophobia?
The phenomenon of being afraid of loving, as disconcerting as it is invisible, touches many more people than we imagine. If some evoke emotional blocking or trauma, others do not even manage to put words on what they feel. However, Philophobia is indeed considered to be a phobia, which can generate a deep and lasting discomfort. And behind this word with soft sounds often hides a past marked by injuries.
What are the causes of Philophobia?
Falling in love should be a moment of grace. However, in people with Philophobia, it is the beginning of a spiral of anxiety. For Line Mourey, clinical psychologist, the origins are often traumatic: “Philophobia is often linked to past trauma, for example a divorce, an insufficient and non -reassuring attachment link during childhood, or brutal ruptures“. These experiences forge a deeply rooted belief: to love is to suffer.
Added to this is a contemporary phenomenon: the pressure and volatility of digital relationships. Ariane Calvo, psychologist and author of Emotional autonomyunderlines an aggravating effect: “The use of dating applications generates ‘lovely’ difficult to live for very sensitive people, especially ghosting“.
Practices like:
- Ghosting (disappear without a word);
- Gophering (cut the link after a few days of euphoria);
- Or the express ruptures without confrontation, nourish a feeling of emotional insecurity. Result: the person ends up repressing his emotions and is conditioned not to feel.
The symptoms of Philophobia: how to know if you are Philophobic?
Philophobia is not only manifested by a temporary embarrassment. It deeply affects social behavior, sometimes even without those around you realizing it. According to Line Mourey, “The person will avoid getting attached to people and put a lot of distance from emotional and emotional ties“. This voluntary emotional detachment, often accompanied by a difficulty in being vulnerable, is a protective mechanism.
But that’s not all. The people concerned can go as far as saboto their relationships: provoke conflicts, be cold or unstable, even flee when emotion becomes too strong. “”The individual Philophobic takes his legs from his neck when he attaches himself and sabotes the relationship to be left“Explains the psychologist. A behavior which, paradoxically, validates their initial fear: love leads to pain.
On the physical level, this phobia can generate violent somatic symptoms such as anxiety attacks, nausea, tremors, or tachycardia. So many signals of deep discomfort, which can lead to social isolation, to anxious or depressed disorders.
Can we really get out of Philophobia?
Breaking the circle is not simple, but it is possible. For Line Mourey, it all starts with the identification of the problem: “For some people, finding a partner capable of giving them confidence and appearing will prove to be very therapeutic“The key lies in a reassuring relationship, where attachment is no longer experienced as a danger.
Treatment: How to defeat Philophobia?
But often, more in -depth work is necessary. The psychologist insists on the interest of consulting a professional: “We will identify the schemes that repeat themselves, understand why they repeat themselves and work on motivation for change“. It is then a progressive deconstruction, often long, but liberating: deconstructing her fears, his defenses, his certainties … to finally be able to feel, love, and engage without panic.