Obviously, the confidence of a couple is often based on good communication. And the secrets can damage you. But by “truth”, we can also hear these little everyday things that annoy you, these disagreements that make you scream internally. Should we always express them in his half?
Opening on unpleasant things can change your couple
American researchers wanted to check if it was always wise to speak with open heart. Does this always bring a profit?
To find out, they called on 214 couples, or 428 people, without disclosing the reason for the experience. Each duo had to confide in the laboratory on two “sensitive” subjects, involving a change desired by one of the partners in the other (something they did not particularly like), which was revealed to the other. Three months later, a review was established to find out how much the situation had evolved, both on communication and on their feelings.
The vast majority of revelation has proven to be constructive. “”The simple fact of expressing his honesty and being perceived as honest by the other partner has a positive effect on the relationship and contributes to his general well-being“, conclude psychologists. This would have allowed”A targeted motivation to change, with certain advantages emerging over time“. From their point of view, honesty is therefore beneficial”even when the truth can hurt“Insist researchers.
However, it is useful to specify that the chosen couples were already perceived as stable and “maintaining good relationships” before carrying out this experience. Which can help.
Do not silence anything, ok, but choose the right time and the right shape
For Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the study starts from an interesting idea: to share a truth, even unpleasant, would strengthen the relationship of the couple in the long term. “”But beware of shortcuts“, She adds.
Because this study ultimately lacks nuance. “”Say things, yes. Burial them often ends badly. It is therefore better to say what eats at us, rather than letting an unspoken inside that will burst elsewhere, with more marked traces. But to say everything, without nuance, is no longer sincerity. It can be violent, intrusive, even destructive.“”
The challenge, according to her, is to distinguish transparency and discharge. “”Transparency built, two. The discharge crushes. We are not talking about hiding your life, but to choose how and when to transmit what matters, without unnecessary brutality. To hurt to hurt, it’s no“, She evokes. No insults, no humiliation, no lowering under the guise of saying things. This leaves indelible scars.
To say everything is not really the subject for a couple to advance hand in hand. “”A couple does not experience total transparency, but confidence. And confidence is not to say everything that crosses the mind every moment. Is to know that the other does not need to search or guess“Concludes the expert.
So should you say everything? No. Should we say what matters? Yes, always.