Ten years have passed without the slightest sign of this person. Then, without warning, a notification is displayed: a friend request on Facebook, a message or an email. Should we respond to this attempt to take over contact? Psychologists specializing in human relations enlighten us on how to approach these situations because the bonds of friendship change with the years, and reconnect is not always synonymous with warm reunion.
A healthy friendship is based on reciprocity and benevolence
What distinguishes lasting friendships is neither the frequency of exchanges, nor the years spent side by side, but this precious capacity to rejoice sincerely for the other.
“”Conversely, toxic friendships are often based on challenges of rivalry, dynamics of seduction … On the other hand, those which hold are those where we can sincerely rejoice the successes of the other, without calculation or jealousy“Explained psychologist Amélie Boukhobza in a previous article.
Being there in hard blows, but also in moments of joy: it is this constant presence, in the shade as in the light, which constitutes the basis of a solid and sincere bond.
And the benefits are not only relational: they are also deeply emotional.
“”Friendship offers emotional support that helps reduce stress and anxiety. It provides emotional security knowing that we have trusted people on whom to count“Recalls psychologist Siyana Milnéva. Before adding:”Authentic relationships help us to explore our values, our aspirations and better understand ourselves.“”
Recall contact … or turn the page?
If the benefits of a beautiful and long friendship are no longer to be proven, should this request be followed up? This deserves reflection. “”Some friendships symbolize a specific period of life. Letting go can help you understand where you are now“Note Naama Hofman, psychiatrist interviewed by the Washington Post.
Before resuscitating a link, she invites us to question: “What will I really win by returning this contact?“”
Indeed, regaining a relationship without having taken stock can expose to misunderstandings or awaken old wounds. Naama Hofman recalls that friendships are evolving with the seasons of life. “”Our priorities change over the transitions. Earlier in life, you might not have been able to establish the kind of relationships you dreamed of, but now maybe you can. “
What to ask yourself before reconnecting
Before taking a step towards an old friend, it is essential to return to the causes of the rupture. Was it a passenger misunderstanding? An incompatibility of deep values? An injury never healed?
For Claudia Diez, clinical psychologist interviewed in the same article, you must ask yourself if the relationship is still beneficial. “”Even if he apologized, there is no trouble deciding that now, it is useless for you to find this friend. “