Living as a couple is not easy every day. We meet, we like each other, we do projects for two, we are committed … But according to a study carried out by flashes for Eve and Co, despite all love felt, our weddings often have an unexpected ingredient.
3 in 4 women find their annoying husband
This ubiquitous ingredient in marriage … It is annoyance, caused more precisely by its half. Thus, if 90 % of the 1000 married women interviewed say they are fulfilled in their marriage (phew!), They are still 75 % (or 3 out of 4) to assert more or less regularly of annoyance or frustration towards their spouse.
For what ? There is no shortage of reasons for ruminating! The first place is reserved for the lack of participation of the spouse in household chores, quoted by 45 % of the participants. Then follow: the feeling of not being sufficiently considered (39 %), the lack of involvement of the spouse in family life (25 %). Disagreements on money management relate to 19 % of respondents, while 15 % deplore the time granted by their partner to friends or leisure. Finally, a sex life deemed unsatisfactory is mentioned by 14 % of women questioned. Enough to be annoyed from morning to evening.
A black point that some keep for them
But what do these women do when they are annoyed? Fortunately, most (79 %) do not hesitate to express what annoys them and creates abscess quickly. 37 % talk about it as soon as necessary, while 42 % expect a favorable moment or prefer to react when the tension becomes too strong. However, 12 % keep silence, thinking that their partner should understand their discomfort without explanation. Others still give up any discussion: 4 % because they consider their spouse not very receptive, and 5 % because they deem the approach unnecessary. Despite all these tensions, 70 % of the women interviewed say they continue to love their husband deeply.
The annoyance, the sign of the end of the couple?
In love, but annoyed. Would this negative feeling be so banal? “Yes”, replies the psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, amused by the question. “”Living in pairs is also tolerating the other in his daily version. And his flaws … his noises, his tics, his delays, his little manias, his somewhat absurd habits. We can love deeply … and want to shake him when he chews too hard or that he (still) forgets to close the closet or lower the toilet bowl. “
But beware, however, to make the nuance between everyday annoyance and a fed up. “”The annoyance becomes an alert signal when it turns into contempt, coldness or constant weariness. When you only see the negative, and more what you admire or what you admired. Which made you love the other … when you anticipate each interaction with exasperation. There, that is no longer normal friction of life for two, but a bond that is damaged. Which is stretching.“”
According to the expert, being annoyed is human. To be irritated all the time is a fatigue. “”And it is often the symptom of a gap, of an unposed need.“So no, it does not matter to want to strangle him (in thought) because he still badly folds the towels. But if everything becomes sigh’s motif … it may be time to talk about it.