Born on Tiktok, the “Shrekking” trend has been talking a lot about it for a few months. Behind this neologism inspired by the famous Ogre DreamWorks hides a drunk love practice to say the least: voluntarily choosing a partner perceived as “lower” (especially physically) to keep the upper hand. Hope? That this partner measures his chance of having come across the rare pearl (you!), And turns out to be invested, faithful and respectful. A problematic illusion? Oh yes.
A symptomatic tendency of dating drifts
For those who assume shrekking, the goal is simple: betting on someone perceived as “below” would amount to protecting themselves from disappointments. But behind the apparent lightness of this concept hides a deeper problem. “Shrekking” first assumes that there is a universal hierarchy of desirability, where everyone is assigned a “value” according to their physique, their age or their social status. This vision of romantic relationships maintains the idea that beauty – or any other superficial criterion – would be a currency of exchange, and not a subjective and relative data.
In this, “Shrekking” is a continuation of a dating market already marked by meeting applications, where profiles are sorted, like or rejected in a finger shift. This system strengthens dominant aesthetic standards and transforms relationships into strategic calculations rather than real human encounters. Nothing very pretty in short.
Why shrekking is a problem
But this is not the only concern. On the Internet, criticisms are raining: this practice is deemed toxic, dehumanizing and deeply reductive. Because if it claims to protect from sorrow, it is actually based on an instrumentalization of the partner, considered not for what it is but for the use it can have: to reassure, secure, heal past injuries. “Make less effort. Having the ascendant. Do not risk being left … This is a kind of selfish insurance. In short, I do not take the person I like the most … I take the one who will love me more than I would like” Analysis of psychologist Amélie Boukhobza. “It is also a way of remaining the pretty, the clever, the one that has the advantage. And that is toxic. Because indeed it is instrumentalizing the other” she translates.
In reality, behind shrekking, there is a panic fear of equality. A refusal to get back into play, to doubt. To really seduce. “”But above all, a hierarchical vision of relationships: some are worth more, others are worth less. As if we could measure the value of people. Beauty, intelligence, sensitivity … everything becomes classification. It’s just ugly “, Lets the psychologist escape.
What if we changed perspective?
Fortunately, getting closer to a different, less superficial person, outside of their comfort zone, is not always a strategy. Expanding his romantic criteria can be an enriching experience, provided that it comes from a real desire to discover the other, and not from a fear of being injured.
“Love is not supposed to be a balance of power”recalls our psychologist. “And above all: no one deserves to be chosen so that we can shine at their expense! A healthy relationship is the opposite. It is the meeting of two people, of two worlds. Without competition. Without lowering. In balance, as best they can. ”
Let us also recall that the most sustainable relationships are built on authenticity, mutual respect and emotional compatibility, much more than on an aesthetic or social calculation. And above all: that those who practice shrekking do not dominate anything at all. “They avoid. They control. But for sure, they miss love. The real one” Assures Amélie Boukhboza.
And if it was only a moral to this fairy and ogre tale, know that in the end many are still disappointed or deceived by the person they thought vulnerable. Which also has a name: “To be shrekker”. Or send back to your rope.