Are you talking to someone, but their eyes are glued to their phone? This behavior, called “phubbing,” can weaken relationships. For emotional intelligence specialist Dr Jenny Woo, three simple reflexes allow you to stay more present with others.
Anticipate: The “If…Then” Rules of Emotionally Intelligent People
First reflex: decide in advance. Emotionally intelligent people use “if…then” statements so they don’t have to make a decision every time. Dr Jenny Woo gives for example this rule: “If I’m having a meal with someone, then I’ll put my phone on silent and wait until after the meal to check it.” Other situation: “If I remember something I need to do on my phone during a work meeting, then I’ll write it down on a post-it and deal with it after the meeting.”
When using the phone is actually necessary, transparency is also part of the rule. “If I absolutely have to check my phone during a conversation, then I will let the other person know first and explain what I am doing.”
And if you finally get distracted, Dr. Jenny Woo recommends reacting immediately: “If I realize my eyes are on my phone instead of the person I’m talking to, then I’ll put my phone away and say, ‘I’m so sorry about that, you have my full attention.'”
Move your phone away to protect your attention
Studies cited by Dr. Jenny Woo suggest that simply having your phone within reach, even when it’s turned off, can reduce certain cognitive abilities. Emotionally intelligent people therefore avoid leaving their device in front of them and store it in their pocket, their bag or, when possible, in another room.
Not putting your phone on the table during a meeting or in a restaurant also allows you to signal to your interlocutor that you are fully available. A simple rule to test, for example, for a day.
Take breaks and create screen-free time
Dr. Jenny Woo also points out that notifications keep the brain alert. Some research also suggests a delay of up to 23 minutes to fully regain concentration after an interruption.
To limit these requests, the specialist advises deactivating non-essential notifications, using “Do not disturb” mode and defining certain spaces, such as the dining table or bedroom, as screen-free zones.
A rule that may seem simple, but which recalls the essential: “Your phone will still be there, but the moment in front of you won’t.”