Every start of the year feels like a blank page. We promise ourselves to eat better, to do more sport, to stop smoking, to stop drinking alcohol or even to take more time for ourselves. However, the reality is often less inspiring: according to several studies, up to 80% of people abandon their good resolutions before mid-February. Are our commitments doomed to failure? Not necessarily.
Why do we want to change?
For psychologist Pascal Anger, the desire for change is profoundly human. It often arises from a feeling of discomfort: fatigue, stress, weight gain, loss of meaning, or the feeling of having to cope with everyday life. The start of the year acts as a strong symbol, almost like a start to the school year: “a key moment when we say to ourselves that everything is possible.” Nothing wrong with that, obviously.
But wanting to change is not enough to succeed. “What matters is to understand what really motivates this desire” underlines the psychologist. Is it to respond to external pressure? To correspond to a social norm? Or to sincerely improve one’s well-being, health or life balance?
Without this clarification, motivation quickly crumbles as soon as everyday obstacles arise: a busy schedule, an unexpected family event, fatigue or simply a lack of desire.
Why can’t we do it? What really blocks
Changing behavior is also much more complex than it seems. Several obstacles come up regularly:
Unclear or unrealistic goals
Saying “I want to lose weight” or “I want to exercise more” remains too vague. Studies show that setting a goal without a specific plan often leads to failure. Conversely, aiming too high, going from zero sport to daily activity, creates excessive pressure that is difficult to maintain.
The weight of habits
Our behaviors are anchored in well-established routines. As Pascal Anger explains, “We have adopted habits which mean that at a given moment, we will very quickly fall back into our old ways.” Changing therefore requires time, repetition and above all kindness towards oneself.
The “all or nothing” trap
Many give up at the first gap, convinced that they have failed. However, this rigid vision prevents any lasting progress. For Pascal Anger, the key is not to fight against yourself, but to understand yourself better: “What is most interesting is to see how we can evolve in our well-being and remove what bothers us, what handicaps us.”
Rather than aiming for spectacular goals, he recommends lower your expectationsto accept one’s weaknesses, to strengthen self-esteem and to stay grounded in reality. “A good habit is not formed in 24 hours, it is developed over time”recalls the expert.
How to improve your chances of success?
Even though change is difficult, certain strategies significantly increase the chances of success:
- Change for the right reasons, therefore : health, well-being, personal values, example given to loved ones;
- Set realistic goals : specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and defined in time;
- Move forward in stages with weekly goals rather than a distant ideal;
- Track your progress : journal, application, daily notes;
- Ask for help : loved ones, motivating or professional allies.
The 2-day rule: a simple method to maintain in the long term
Finally, good news: a simple and realistic scientific approach exists, which should take the pressure off you. A study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology shows that missing a day does not prevent the formation of a habit, provided you do not miss two consecutive days. This is the principle of the 2 day rule.
Concretely, this means that if you want to return to sport, meditate or eat healthier, the objective is not perfection, but continuity. Did you miss yesterday? So you just commit to starting again today. And so you don’t lose the benefit.
This method allows us to escape the “all or nothing” trap and integrate “without” days as a normal component of change. Changing is not about reinventing yourself overnight. It’s learning, day after day, to do a little better… without ever condemning yourself for a misstep.