You might think that a hug is a simple, natural, almost instinctive gesture. However, reality is more subtle. “”There is almost a science of contact. And above all, it depends on everyone’s availability. A hug remains above all a meeting“Explains psychologist Amélie Boukhobza. So how to transform an embrace in a real moment of connection? Four principles emerge.
The power of touch
Physical contact plays an essential role in the human bond. But not everyone was made aware of it. “”We often talk about the importance of touch, but we forget that not everyone has grown with it. Some have learned to be wary of it, because the body could represent a danger. Others have learned not to disturb, not to ask, not to get closer“Recalls the specialist.
Consent, essential condition
A hug is not trivial. “”For many, this gesture is not obvious or easy. A hug requires a real agreement. Not a simple tolerance, but a clear yes, both physical and mental. It is necessary not only of envy, but also what is called today, consent. And a form of connection, that we give or receive it“Insists Amélie Boukhobza.
The duration that makes the difference
The quality of an embrace is also played over time. “A good hug lasts several seconds. Because it is at this precise moment that the brain releases oxytocin, this famous hormone of the link. Before that, the gesture often falls under politeness or automation … but without being a real hug,” explains the psychologist.
Sensation, beyond the form
Finally, a hug is not reduced to its mechanics. “”A hug can never be forced, otherwise it loses all its soothing function. A tender word says by obligation sounds false, and the body immediately perceives it. Conclusion: a perfect hug does not depend on the form. This is a sensation: a secure space where to place a little yourself, without fear“Concludes Amélie Boukhobza.