Often, in life, it happens that a bond of friendship is stronger, or even more lasting, than a romantic bond, which can fade over the years. But what makes a remarkable friendship?
Common values, evidence shared with others
For Boris Carpentier, psychologist, friendship is a feeling of reciprocal affection whose relationship is based on common values: “Like family relationships, friendly relationships are not dictated by social roles, which makes them a unique space for authentic expression. he explains in the media Psychologies.com. This is also the opinion of two 20-year-old friends who decided to share their special bond. “Friendship is a lasting relationship with a family that we choose, without any judgment that is built over the years. thus assures Alix, in the magazine, who has been able to count on Manahé for 20 years. The notions of kindness and being “true” with others also make all the difference.
The ingredients of a sacred friendship
For Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, on the other hand, common values alone cannot explain such a lasting bond. “It is a basis, a vital minimum, but not a guarantee of longevity. More obvious than a key.”
So what really makes the difference? What marks a special relationship, sometimes from middle school through the ages? According to her, those that last include several ingredients:
- Adaptability: A friendship that lasts is a friendship that knows how to evolve. Because we all change, and if one of them remains stuck in a past dynamic, then it ends up getting stuck;
- The absence of competition: this is fundamental to growing together. “Toxic friendships are often based on issues of rivalry, dynamics of seduction…. Conversely, those that hold are those where we can sincerely rejoice in each other’s successes, without calculation or jealousy. Being happy for the other, celebrating their successes, and being there in the toughest times… that’s what seals a friendship;
- Managing imbalances:There are always times when one gives more than the other. It’s coming, it’s coming! Everything depends on each person’s needs, and what makes the difference is the ability to accept these discrepancies without resentment and without counting everything”;
- Sincerity and authenticity: Being able to be fully yourself, without filter. Friendships that last are those where we don’t play a role, where we don’t have to watch what we say or do. Where we can also show ourselves in our bad days…
A friendship that lasts is, above all, knowing that we will always be there for each other. If you have found the rare gem, keep this friendship well. She is precious.