An empty soap dispenser on the sink happens, and it’s not a big deal. Where the story becomes interesting, however, is when this distributor becomes objective proof that mothers do much more than others in their daily lives. This is how a mother created the buzz on TikTok, by explaining “why mothers are exhausted”.
“They still believe in the filling fairy”
Kay, known as @theearlybirdhasanxiety, let the soap dispenser in the kitchen empty at its normal pace. But when the last drop of soap was used, it didn’t come for a week. Surprise ! No one thought to fill it again, although the process only took a few seconds. Instead, she explains, her family members preferred to unscrew the lid to collect the leftover soap with their fingertips. Everything so as not to have to do this “chore” of filling. “I think they still believe in the filling fairy”,
she laughs in front of the camera. For many Internet users, this illustrated in a few seconds the mental load or invisible tasks, often assigned by default to the mother.
The real face of mental load
The video, viewed nearly 200,000 times, immediately created a bubble of solidarity among Internet users. “For my part, I had to shout: “Your time is no more valuable than mine!” so that they understand, said a mother. “If I don’t do it, no one will.” was quick to tell another. In short, this example simply illustrates the invisible responsibilities that generally weigh on mothers. As the creator of the video expressed: “The mental load is overwhelming. It’s not just about completing tasks, but being the one to notice, plan and remind others.”
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in 2024 also reveals the reality: mothers take on 79% of daily mental work. They are the ones who, in the majority, manage the children’s appointments, plan meals, drop them off at school, etc. Fathers, for their part, generally take care of one-off tasks, such as repairing an appliance or maintaining the car. Useful things certainly, but less restrictive on a daily basis.
But this burden, in the long term, can have real consequences on the health of mothers:
- Professional burnout : Moms who juggle most of the mental work are more likely to feel exhausted and overwhelmed;
- Strained relationships in the couple : unequal responsibilities can lead to frustration and resentment;
- An impact on health : Stress due to invisible work is linked to physical and mental health problems.
Some ideas to rebalance things
The media Motherly took advantage of this concrete example to remind us that there are ways to rebalance the load on a daily basis, sometimes suggested by ideas from Internet users.
- Talk about it! It is essential to have open conversations about invisible work. Couples need to ask themselves:Does this work for us?”, and redistribute tasks equitably. With why not, the use of a schedule to distribute household responsibilities;
- Challenge cultural norms. Society often expects mothers to manage everything regarding the family. To break these patterns, both partners must recognize and value invisible work;
- Empower children.
Teaching children to contribute from a young age can make a difference. An Internet user also shared : “I lined up three empty soap dispensers and asked each child to fill one. They now know where the refills are”; - Make your invisible work more visible. Another netizen shared “I started texting my husband every time I did a task that he always claimed to do. She will no longer be invisible.”
And keep in mind that a more fulfilled mother means a more successful family. So if your family still believes in tidying up, take a break from tasks like filling the soap dispenser, changing the toilet paper roll, or taking out the clean dishes. Chances are they’ll figure out how to do it eventually, without magic.