A father recently aroused a keen debate on Reddit by sharing his experience. Separated from the mother of his children, he categorically refuses that the new husband of his ex-partner spends time alone with their two children aged 8 and 10.
“For them, he’s just the man with whom their mother lives”
This man, who has benefited from the main guard for several years, explains that his ex-wife suffers from mental health disorders. In some cases, his visit rights are even supervised by surveillance. Children therefore rub shoulders with the new spouse only during stays with their mother. But, according to him, no particular bond has been forged.
“He is not someone to whom they hold and they do not have this type of relationship that would make them want to see it more“, He writes.”For them, he’s just the man with whom their mother lives. They do not consider him a member of their family and do not call them their stepfather“.
Despite this, his ex’s companion insists on creating a stronger link. “”Four times, he asked to spend time alone with children, to develop a better relationship with them as a stepfather“Continues the father.
But the latter categorically refuses. “”For me, it’s a stranger and I don’t really trust the judgment of my ex. She has a bad passive since her difficulties, and I don’t think spending time with him would be beneficial for my children“.
Faced with this refusal, the stepfather would have accused him of being “small and jealous“, believing that we did not give him”his chance of being good with children“And that he must have had his place in”parental unit“.
When a new spouse enters the scene: how to react?
This situation, far from isolated, affects many separate parents. The arrival of a step-parent can arouse tensions and uncertainties: what place to give it? And above all, how to preserve the balance of children?
Questioned by True Medical, the psychologist Pascal Anger underlines that the context of the separation strongly influences the continuation. “”If the divorce has been conflicting or if there have been addiction, alcohol or drug problems within the couple, this can complicate the rest. And obviously, if one has the impression that his child is not safe, we must act“, He recalls.
He also recommends relying on a legal framework. “”You have to find out and consult a lawyer to impose clear rules on separation. This avoids arbitrariness and protect children“.
Family mediation, a way to favor
According to Pascal Anger, family mediation is often an effective solution. “”Mediation can give everyone their place within the family. In the event of a conflict on the custody or the role of each, it must be clearly said: I am not favorable, that’s why I oppose it. Things must be posed without ambiguity“.
He also recalls an essential rule: “The child is never a decision -maker. It is not he who chooses who he sees or with whom he can be kept. But you shouldn’t force him either. If the child refuses to see a person, if the dialogue is broken, you have to work on existing obstacles and seek to appease the situation“.
Finally, when tensions persist, the expert recommends the implementation of an official protocol. “”We can set up a written agreement, validated by the judge, which clarifies the needs of children and the rights of each. This makes it possible to simplify the situation, to secure everyone and to avoid repeated conflicts“.