Does your love seem solid and shared? It’s beautiful and precious. But the risk in this case is to think that we are safe, forever. It is not always the lack of feelings or the absence of desire that weakens a relationship, but rather certain stubborn illusions to which we cling without realizing it. According to the thoughts of psychologist Pascal Anger, believing in perfect harmony or projecting too many expectations onto others can paradoxically put love in danger.
Do you want to preserve a living and authentic couple? Here are the main illusions to identify – and overcome.
Believing that love is enough to make a relationship work
Being in love does not guarantee a balanced relationship. “Love, however strong it may be, does not protect against misunderstandings, frustrations or disillusionment. admits our psychologist. In short, love is not enough to make a couple. Thinking that feelings will solve everything sometimes prevents us from facing reality: a couple is also built through dialogue, adjustments and acceptance of each person’s limits.
Confusing others with the image we have of them
Another common illusion: we often like the idea we have of the other more than the real person. This confusion fuels unrealistic expectations: “We hope that the other will always live up to our projections, that they will fill our gaps or respond to our implicit hopes. However, the other always remains partly unknown; what is happening inside them inevitably escapes us” recalls Pascal Anger.
Waiting for the other to change or guess our needs
A common illusion also consists of believing that the other will change, understand without speaking, or become more involved simply because we love them. “These silent expectations then become a source of disappointment and resentment.
warns the expert. The lover often hopes that the other will be “even better than he imagines”, but this excessive expectation weakens the relationship.
Getting lost in the couple and forgetting who you are
Thinking that the other is our perfect complement can also lead to self-effacement. However, as Pascal Anger reminds us, “the other is never our whole: he is only a part of it”. When everyone ceases to be authentic, the couple risks becoming a shadow relationship, where no one really exists as an individual. A good reminder not to “blend in” with the couple.
Convincing yourself that asking for help is a failure
Finally, believing that a loving couple never needs help is a dangerous illusion. The couple is in constant motion, crossed by waves, crises and trials. “Recognizing that “something is wrong” and accepting help from a third party can, on the contrary, allow us to understand each other better, listen to each other better and sometimes transform the relationship or give it new impetus.”. That’s also what taking care of your relationship is.
Clinging to the possible rather than the dream, the best way to love with lucidity
Rather than clinging to an illusion, the psychologist maintains: it is fairer to attach to what is possible between two real people, with their strengths and their limits. “A strong couple is not one that denies difficulties, but one that accepts reality, adjusts its expectations and dares to question itself”. This is often where love gains depth and truth.