It is not a lack of character, even less a lack of voluntary empathy. These are simply individuals who learned very early on to avoid their emotions, to distort or minimize them. “”Everything often goes from there. Those who have a weak emotional intelligence feel a tension, a discomfort … but struggle to identify it“First explain the psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, creator of the podcast you told me …”They say ‘I am tired, that’s all, when they are frustrated, angry or sad … without knowing it “.
For what ? Simply because they did not learn to put words on what is happening inside. So they cut short and emotions eventually express themselves: in irritability, weariness or explosion. Our expert advances the 7 signs that testify to a weak emotional intelligence.
A tendency to minimize or invalidate the emotion of the other
Those who lack emotional finesse do not like overflows. Crying, annoying yourself, being vulnerable makes them uncomfortable. Their reflex is therefore to trivialize. “”Frankly, you’re not going to cry for that! “. The emotion of the other becomes too bulky, too difficult to welcome. They reduce it, sometimes to protect themselves. Often by automation, believes our psychologist.
Aggressiveness or sarcasm in the face of annoyance
When they are injured, they do not express what they feel. They attack or launch spikes, under the cover of franchise. “”It’s good, I just told the truth. If you take it wrong, it’s your problem. “
Anger becomes their privileged mode of expression. Not because they are violent, but because it is the easiest emotion to activate when you do not know how to say “I am sad” or “I was afraid”.
No emotional questioning
In these people, it is always the others who exaggerate. They “manage”. They refuse to establish a link between their behavior and the effect it causes.
“I manage, it’s not my fault if people take everything bad”. It is a partial, but real blindness. Empathy does not follow, neither does emotional consciousness. And the dialogue turns quickly.
Discomfort in the face of the vulnerability of others
As soon as a loved one confides, speaks of his discomfort or evokes a fear, they close and change their subject.
“”Well come on, we’re not going to drag on it …“. It is not indifference. But the vulnerability of the other confronts them with theirs. And this exhibition puts them to the run. They have not learned to stay in emotional discomfort.
An inability to ask for forgiveness sincerely
For them, to say “sorry” amounts to losing face, to recognize a weakness. They then prefer to defend themselves, or reject the fault. “”If I injured you, it was not my intention. You misunderstood “.
“”Even when they regret, they express it badly. And this lack of recognition can hurt the other very badly, which awaits a clear gesture, a handless hand “ recalls our expert.
Emotions seen as a bug to be removed
Finally, their vision of emotions is biased. They are useless, bulky, even counterproductive. “”I am pragmatic. Emotions is not used for much. We are not going to cry 100 years “.
They value efficiency, rational, mastery. And any emotional expression is experienced as a threat to this image of solidity. “”However, refusing emotion does not cancel it. She always finds a way out, often brutal“Concludes Amélie Boukhobza.