You may have already experienced this situation, rarely pleasant: a friend who manifests himself only when he needs you. Whether for a service, a professional boost or even access to your network, its presence seems dictated by interest.
“”In my opinion, we are talking about the false friendships that are based on interest. For example, you have a friend or a friend that you have known for years, and the latter is only present when you can bring him something“Explains Siyana Milnéva, psychologist.
According to her, this type of behavior is typical of superficial relationships, where friendship takes on the appearance of opportunism. Conversely, when you go through a difficult period, this person becomes distant, even contemptuous. It even happens that she denigrates you in public, revealing deeply anchored narcissistic features.
A toxicity hidden under “benevolent advice”
It is essential, underlines the psychologist, to listen to what you feel in the presence of your friends. Does this relationship go up, makes you more confident, more serene? Or, on the contrary, exhausts you, lowers you, under the pretext of “telling you the truth”?
“”A false friendship will always be focused on judgment under the guise of ‘constructive advice’. The person will tend to lower you and make you lose confidence in you“, warns Siyana Milnéva.
This insidious mechanism can generate a deep doubt in you, to the point of shaking your confidence and your emotional landmarks.
Recognize a real friendship: benevolence, constancy and freedom of being yourself
In contrast, a real friendship is based on the freedom to be yourself, without mask or fear of judgment. A fundamental distinction, according to the psychologist:
“”A healthy friendship allows you to be yourself, which is not the case with a false friend.“”
To better understand these dynamics, Siyana Milnéva concludes by quoting Aristotle, who already identified three forms of friendship:
“”There is useful friendship based on interest, the pleasant friendship that rests on reciprocal pleasure, and finally rare friendship, which aims to keep in touch, if possible eternal.“”
Learning to identify these different forms of attachment not only makes it possible to better choose your relationships, but also to preserve yourself from those that exhaust under the guise of kindness.