The word “deliberative“means something to you? This is a new term invented by psychoanalyst Cécilia Commo, which means “deliberately single“. A way to show everyone that you can be single by choice. Explanations.
The single person, an individual still too poorly perceived
Even in 2026, singleness still seems strange. In a society still largely based around the couple model, he shakes up established norms.
“In many social organizations, couples are the norm. The single person is not excluded, but he is rarely considered (dinner invitations, vacations, hotel)”, admits the expert. Besides,”Someone who is alone is spontaneously perceived as someone who is “missing” something. Not necessarily love. Rather normality, maturity or stability”, explains the therapist.
Unfortunately, this conditioning lastingly shapes collective and individual representations of celibacy. It can even influence the way single people perceive themselves, by internalizing these judgments.
Celibacy is still too often interpreted as a sign of a personality:
- Too demanding;
- Too difficult;
- Too independent;
- Too hurt;
- Too closed;
- Immature;
- Unpleasant;
- Fleeing.
And for good reason: allsingle person worries the symbolic order and weakens the central norm: the couple. Single women are seen as potential “rivals” and focus several anxious projections”recalls Cécilia Commo.
Deliberative and proud of it
The good news? By fully assuming one’s status – I am single and am proud of it – we say to others: “I’m not alone by default, I’m alone by choice“.
“Because if saying “I’m single” can refer to: I haven’t found it, I’m between two relationships, I was left, I left, etc., saying “I’m deliberative” means: I’m not in a relationship because, right now, I prefer something else”specifies the psychoanalyst.
It allows celibacy to be taken out of a deficit reading and reminded “that it can be a position, not a problem”concludes the expert.
Far from being a failure, celibacy appears here as a way of living your life differently, in accordance with your desires and priorities of the moment. An inspiring vision which also invites us to free ourselves from a single model of happiness.