There’s nothing like saving moments together, and regularly discussing the little things in life to keep the flame alive as a couple. Despite everything, everyday life can quickly overflow into these special moments. Even more so since the arrival… of the smartphone between you.
This intruder who moves in and threatens your relationship
Thus, adolescents are often stigmatized for their excessive screen time and the negative impact of social media on their mental health. But this forgets that adults are also addicted to their phones. A recent American survey of 1,000 adults determined that adults spend an average of five hours a day on their smartphone. One in four use their phone during dinner and 38% say they check it during a meeting. However, for psychiatrist Anna Lembke, cited by the media CNBC, the compulsive use of social networks, online shopping and video games can have a real harmful effect on a relationship, by creating real distance.
“People really disappear when they’re on their devices and can’t be fully present for the people who love them,” explains Dr. Lembke.
A bad experience that everyone has experienced at home, when their partner doesn’t listen to them or spends their time scrolling.
The action that will allow you to reconnect with your partner
But freeing yourself from the grip of your phone is not impossible. In her book “Dopamine Nation” the psychiatrist notes that patients with relationship difficulties often benefit from a single action, which only takes 30 seconds (and a few sweats, but for your own good). A kind of targeted detox.
“Delete the app you spend more time on than you’d like and commit to not using it for 30 days” she advises.
Not allowing yourself to use an application that you probably consult dozens of times a day will be uncomfortable, warns the expert. But the game is worth it.
“The first two weeks you’ll crave it and miss it, and your brain will tell you why it’s not a worthwhile project.”she explains. “If you can last about 14 days, you may notice that you don’t miss it and feel better without it.” But above all you will realize when you look up from the screen that your relationship is still there, and that it needs to be nourished by shared experiences.
“The time spent consuming these digital media, to the detriment of their partner, is problematic” adds the psychiatrist. Worse, how active a person is on their phone can make them feel like their partner is leading a “double life.” Even when it’s not.
By deleting an app that you use compulsively, you create space for your partner and give yourself the opportunity to be more present. And to give you the attention you both need. To test?