In a relationship, it is natural to worry about the other. But when this concern becomes constant, intrusive, and you scrutinize each emotion of your partner to avoid any conflict, you enter the field of emotional surveillance. This behavior, although motivated by a desire to do well, can be destructive for the couple.
What is “Emotional Monitoring”?
Emotional surveillance, or “emotional monitoring”, is a behavior where we constantly observe and analyze the emotions of his partner to anticipate his reactions and avoid conflicts. This mechanism can be the result of personal insecurity or traumatic past experiences.
According to Psychology Todaythis behavior can lead the supervised partner to repress his own emotions, while the supervisor partner becomes obsessed with the control of the emotional environment, instead of developing a tolerance for natural fluctuations in emotions.
The consequences on the relationship
Emotional surveillance can have several negative impacts on the relationship:
- Loss of authenticity: the supervised partner may feel obliged to hide his real emotions to avoid disturbing the other;
- Affective dependence: the supervisory partner can become dependent on the emotional reactions of the other to feel safe;
- Altered communication: fear of triggering a negative emotion can inhibit open and honest communication;
- Emotional exhaustion: The constant emotional vigilance can cause mental and emotional fatigue for both partners.
These dynamics can create a vicious circle where the relationship becomes more and more tense and unsatisfactory for both parties.
How to get out of this dynamic?
To break the cycle of emotional surveillance, it is essential to recognize the signs of emotional surveillance and to develop your own emotional security and learn to tolerate uncertainty in the relationship.
Encourage honest and benevolent exchanges on the emotions and needs of each is also necessary to move forward. In the event of an impasse, following couple therapy or individual therapy can help understand the deep causes of this behavior and develop strategies to remedy it.
By adopting these approaches, it is possible to restore a healthy relational dynamic, based on trust, authenticity and mutual respect.