Does saying “I love you” sometimes seem superfluous or awkward? However, these three little words would have immense power. A team of psychologists followed 52 adults for four weeks, interviewing them up to six times a day on their smartphones. Each time, they noted how much affection they expressed and how loved they felt. Researchers observed that the more love a person showed, the more loved they felt afterwards, with a visible effect on their mood.
Give your love, receive just as much
The data shows a very precise curve. After an increase in expressed love, the feeling of being loved increased in the following hours.
“More frequent declarations of love followed an increase in felt love, with a peak three hours later“, report Zita Oravecz, psychologist, and her team.
The effect remained detectable until about eight hours after the affectionate gesture.
The reverse movement did not work the same way. Feeling loved did not lead to expressing more love afterwards, “rather the opposite” according to the summary published by Spektrum Psychology. Researchers suggest that a person who feels loved first refocuses on their own emotions. Participants who felt more loved also reported a higher level of psychological fulfillment.
Why saying I love you also makes you happier
Furthermore, in the study, “expressed love” was not limited to the couple. A message to a parent, a coffee offered to a colleague, a hug to a child or a simple “I’m thinking of you” counted as much as a big romantic “I love you”. It is these small, repeated gestures which, three hours later on average, increased the feeling of feeling loved.
Concretely, saying “I love you” or showing affection acts like a ticking mood switch. A “thank you for being there”, a thoughtful text message or a quick call to a friend can be enough to start this positive resonance for several hours. Penn State psychologists see it as a simple way to nourish your emotional well-being throughout the day.
A caring study… which has some limitations
Zita Oravecz’s team points out, however, that this work remains a small field study: 52 people, self-administered questionnaires, no controlled manipulation. With this type of protocol, the cause and effect link cannot be definitively proven; a stricter experiment would be required for this. The results therefore give a trend, not a guarantee that each “I love you” will produce the same effect.
Another important point, the study did not specify to whom one expressed one’s love, nor in what form. The researchers are now planning an international survey to understand what different countries consider a true “sign of love.”
Their message, in the meantime, is clear: “Let’s spread more love into the world by expressing our love every day”.