Led by Katie N. Adams and Omri Gillath, this research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reveals an unexpected hierarchy of the places where flirting works – or not. Bars, applications, funeral or gym … The results are clear: flirt in a framework perceived as inappropriate drastically reduces your chances of success.
Why some places make your advances more effective than others
To understand this phenomenon, the researchers carried out five successive studies involving more than 1000 participants. At first, a small group listed the premises where they believed that a romantic approach was adapted or not. This first phase made it possible to identify 48 separate places ranging from the nightclub to the medical office.
In the following study, an enlarged sample was invited to note each of these places on a scale of relevance to flirt. Three categories were released: high, moderate and low adequacy. Bars, meeting applications and private apartments were in the first category, while funerals, workplaces or medical offices occupied the bottom of the ranking.
The researchers then put these results to the test in a series of experiences where they modified another factor each time: the attractiveness of the person, the familiarity between the individuals or the nature of the proposal. But in any case, it is the most heavy setting in the scale.
Even attractive, if the frame does not follow …
In the first experience, the participants read scenarios where an attractive person or not made a proposal in different places. As expected, people deemed attractive were more likely to arouse a yes. But this effect erased in the environments deemed inappropriate. A charming stranger in a waiting room? Not enough …
The researchers then introduced the familiarity variable. This time, a close friend was taking the first step. Result: even if the preexisting relationship played a role, it was not enough to compensate for the inadequacy of a place. Some participants even seemed to blame their loved ones with the lack of discernment in the choice of the moment. This phenomenon was particularly marked in women, who seemed more sensitive to the concept of socially acceptable framework.
Finally, the last experience focused on the content of the proposal: an invitation to dinner or a more explicit proposal. Here again, the place heavily influenced perception. Even a subtle romantic message went badly in unsuitable places. And the more direct proposals saw their chances collapse in inappropriate frames.
Flirt yes, but not anywhere or anyhow
One of the most amazing lessons in this research is that the frame often takes over everything else. A place deemed favorable is enough to considerably improve the reception of an approach, regardless of the appearance or the link between people.
This hierarchy of social places seems to be dictated by principles: certain behaviors are expected in certain places, and their gap with these expectations can cause discomfort or rejection. A flirt in a bar is often perceived as natural. In a gym or in a supermarket, it can become more delicate. And in places marked by intimacy, pain or formality (such as a medical office or funeral), the attempt becomes embarrassing, even moved.
Researchers nevertheless recognize the limits of their work. The scenarios were hypothetical, the profiles often standardized, and the participants essentially American. But their conclusions pave the way for new explorations, in simulated or real environments.