What if the desire was not as harmful as you think? Often perceived as a negative emotion, it could become a lever to grow, surpass itself and succeed both personal and professional. According to Susan Fiske, professor of psychology at Princeton University, interviewed by the Washington Postour way of living the desire is closely linked to our relationship to competition. Rather than letting this emotion feed frustration or bitterness, it can become an engine of ambition. Channel the desire in a constructive way makes it possible not only to aim for excellence, especially in a school or university framework, but also to transform a feeling of injustice into a mobilizing force. Envy can then become an indicator of our true aspirations, encouraging us to advance on a more enlightened and more motivating path.
Envy and jealousy, two distinct emotions
Envy and jealousy, although apparent, fall under different dynamics: one affects social comparison, the other to the fear of losing what is dear to us. According to psychologist Robert Leahy, director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy. Envy is often born from a gap perceived in hierarchy or status, while jealousy manifests itself in emotional contexts. If envy is a universal emotion, its place in society varies according to cultures. In some countries like Korea, comparisons of success or position are integrated into daily interactions, which can feed a feeling of envy … but also become a source of motivation and surpassing oneself.
Learn to distinguish the healthy desire for toxic envy
It is essential to distinguish between healthy desire and toxic envy. If the first can become a source of motivation, push for learning and self -improvement, the second can nourish frustration, feed resentment and mine self -confidence. Susan Fiske warns: “When someone is slightly ahead of you, a healthy desire can manifest itself, pushing you to observe, learn and reproduce what makes its success. On the other hand, if the difference is too big – like the one that separates you from the Queen of England – it is better to drop. But if this person is just a little in advance and that you wrong.
In the end, recognizing and welcoming its feelings of envy can become a real lever for deep personal growth. This often requires reviewing his ambitions by focusing on what really arouses our desire, rather than what we think we should accomplish.