Errands, messages, unforeseen events… You often end the day on your knees, with this unpleasant feeling of having endured time instead of experiencing it. No need to give up everything or change partners to take a breather. Positive psychology reminds us: the secret of happiness does not depend on what happens to you, but on how you respond to it.
Take the time to take stock of your daily life
The frantic pace of everyday life carries us along without pause. In an interview relayed by the Spanish daily Las Provincias after his appearance on the podcast La fórmula del éxito by Uri Sabat, the specialist in positive psychology Víctor Küppers offers an exercise that could not be more concrete.
He explains that his lectures help participants strengthen their motivation to live with more joy. To achieve this, it all starts with a freeze frame. The specialist describes: “The world pushes you to run, run, run. So stop, look from the outside and think. Think about the important things, what you like or don’t like in your life. How things are going with your partner, your friends or your family, what you would change, what you do well or not. I’m very papery, write down what is in your life that you don’t like. Ask yourself what is in your hands to improve it.”
Putting things in writing immediately allows you to transform anxiety-provoking vagueness into possible actions.
Learn to master the space between shock and reaction
In other interviews, Víctor Küppers summarizes this philosophy in a striking figure: only 10% of our happiness depends on what happens to us, compared to 90% linked to the way we face it.
To illustrate this choice, he draws on the work of Stephen Covey. The specialist said that human beings have another way of living. Between a circumstance and our reaction, there is a space which is our ability to decide how we react. “You can decide how you take it and that’s where the greatness lies.”
This tiny space between the event and your response is, however, the only one that truly belongs to your freedom.
Focus on willpower rather than miracle solutions
Expanding this space requires constant training. Forget the seven-step magic methods, change is based on benevolent automatisms. Víctor Küppers details the method.
“These are habits, through repetition. There is a traffic jam, I breathe, second traffic jam and I say ‘come on, breathe’… Sometimes I am asked for tips or advice. We want things quick, easy, the seven steps to get there… But no, it’s a question of habit and work. I agree with the experts who say that will is more important than motivation. The important thing is to have will, discipline and Perseverance lasts as long as it lasts and is a start, but to get there you need discipline and strength of will.
A vision also put forward by the media La Nación, which insists on long-term consistency. The Spanish magazine Vanitatis and the French magazine Top Santé also remind us that cultivating gratitude, taking care of your relationships and arming yourself with patience on a daily basis constitute the best way to find a smile again.
So the next time you experience stress, take a deep breath, pause for three seconds, and decide what response you want to offer to the situation.