Trust is always a bet. In our personal and professional lives, this apparently simple gesture engages much more than we imagine: he exposes to disappointment, to doubt, sometimes to injury. And yet, without him, no relationship really holds. Confidence is not decreed, it is built step by step, nourished by evidence, coherence and concrete gestures. It involves accepting a share of uncertainty, daring to lower the guard and believe that the other will be able to welcome this fragility. Because if it does not protect the risk, confidence, however, opens the way to a more true, more solid, more human link. Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, explains the underlying mechanisms of this act.
Trust is accepting that there is a “risk of risk”
Giving your confidence is an intimate, fragile act, which supposes to put yourself in a vulnerability position. By opening up to the other, we accept the risk of being disappointed, betrayed or injured.
“Confidence is never evidence. It is built”, Confirms Amélie Boukhobza. Thus, having confidence, “It is not to believe that the other will never betray us. It is accepting that there is always a share of risk and still choose to go there, ” specifies the expert.
Sharing a painful secret, lending money without written contract or even showing your vulnerability to the other are all situations that illustrate a high degree of confidence in a parent, friend, spouse. Dare to fully be yourself and accepting the reproaches are also two strong signs of confidence. We give up here, without fear of being tried or rejected.
“Confidence is a bet. So, it feeds on concrete signs: the reliability of the other, the coherence between what he says and what he does, his ability to respect our limits. In short, we look at if the acts follow the words”, details the psychologist.
How to trust the other?
Psychologically, trusting always supposes a letting go. “It is a question of letting the other enter a vulnerable zone of ourselves, of accepting to leave it. Confidence has this value precisely because it implies a part of fragility”, recognizes Amélie Boukhobza.
Trust is therefore to take a calculated risk: that of exposing an intimate part of oneself, with the hope that the other will welcome and respect it.
Without it, in fact, relationships are brought: suspicion settles, the need for control takes over and tensions are multiplying. “With her, we breathe, we feel supported, we advance. Life seems lighter, simpler”, assures the practitioner.
But if it releases, confidence is never based on certainty, warns Amélie Boukhobza. It does not guarantee anything.
“”Confidence is rather a postulate, an essential basis for any relationship. It is a movement: to admit that one does not master everything and to believe that the other will hold his part“Concludes the expert.
In other words, trusting is accepting not having all the cards in your hands … but still choosing to move forward.