Difficult to live with and accept, infidelity is a real ordeal in a relationship. However, when the person responsible for the infidelity apologizes, this can turn into less than credible justifications. Here are the sentences which even prove, according to American psychology experts, that he or she risks reoffending.
“If I were in love, I wouldn’t be tempted to cheat“
This is one of the most common excuses: infidelity is proof of a lack of love. However, the reality is quite different. You can love your partner deeply and still be unfaithful.
According to psychologist Lori Beth Bisbey, some chronic cheaters self-sabotage when they feel too strongly attached. “The idea of a fulfilling relationship scares them, and they betray their partner to create emotional distance” she explains in an article for
Your Tango.
“I must just be a bad person“
Some unbelievers justify their behavior by putting forward self-criticism: they are bad, beyond redemption, and we must accept them as they are.
But this excuse releases any responsibility on their part, in reality, and prevents them from questioning themselves. Cheating is not inevitable, but a choice, often motivated by unresolved wounds. “Deception is not a question of nature, but of responsibility. You can learn to be faithful by working on yourself” assures the psychologist.
“I’m addicted“
Some cheaters compare themselves to alcohol or gambling addicts, saying they can’t fight their urge to cheat. But according to counselor Eric Williams, infidelity is rarely a true addiction. “What these people are looking for is the thrill of temptation, the adrenaline of secrecy and external validation that boosts their self-esteem.”.
“I wasn’t getting what I needed from you“
Another classic excuse: blaming your partner to justify infidelity. “Yes, all relationships have ups and downs. It happens that one of the partners feels alone, frustrated or neglected. But the real question is: why choose deception over communication?” asks the expert. “A million couples go through difficult times without falling into infidelity.
Lori Beth Bisbey once again reminds us that infidelity is a choice, not an inevitable consequence of a couple in crisis. “If something is wrong in the relationship, you have to talk about it, look for solutions, or leave, but not betray.”
“I’m programmed to deceive, you have to accept me as I am“
Some people make the genetic argument: “I’m made to be unfaithful, it’s in my DNA“. A study from Binghamton University (USA) revealed that some individuals have a variant of the DRD4 gene, which makes them more prone to thrill-seeking and promiscuity.
But be careful:
- “This gene does not require cheating;
- Many people with this variant remain loyal;
- We are not born deceiver, we become one” lists the psychologist.
She also adds: “Many ex-cheats manage to change with work on themselves, therapy and sincere commitment. Infidelity is not inevitable. It can be overcome with will and effort“.
What are the sentences that a sincere unfaithful partner will say?
Some unfaithful people are sincerely sorry for their behavior. To know if he or she really wants to change, she will have to adopt this behavior, according to the expert. He or she must:
- Fully recognize your responsibility (and not blame your partner, your past or your genetics);
- Understand the underlying reasons for one’s actions;
- Work on yourself, whether through therapy, personal development or a sincere commitment to your relationship.
“Loyalty is not a constraint, it is a choice. Those who are unable to do this need to be honest with themselves and their partners” she concludes.