The “good move” is an expression that we hear everywhere, around a drink, in the series, or slipped casually into a conversation between friends. As if there was a magic recipe for successful sexual intercourse every time, without the risk of a false note. The problem is that this idea, very linked to performance and the view of others, continues to weigh heavily on intimate trust, especially during the first meetings, even though desires, expectations and sensations are never really the same.
The myth of the “good move” explained by a sexologist
In everyday language, the “good shot” is often used to describe a sexual relationship deemed “successful”. But if we scratch a little, the reality is less simple. For Gianpaolo Furgiuele, sexologist in Nice, the “good move” is not a truth set in stone: “It is a subjective construction, shaped by each person’s intimate history, fantasies, past experiences and conscious or unconscious expectations. What is experienced as intense for one can leave the other indifferent“.
In other words, what sparks for you can leave your crush completely unmoved, and that’s perfectly normal. Sexual experience does not meet a single standard or a universal scale. This vision also allows us to move away from the idea of performance, a sexual relationship should not inherit a rating out of ten.
Sexuality is much more like an encounter than a test before a merciless jury… The “good move” therefore does not correspond to an absolute truth, but to something very personal, linked to each story and each sensitivity.
An idea that weighs on sexual confidence
Where the myth of the “good move” becomes even heavier to bear is at the beginning of a relationship. When you don’t yet know each other well, pressure can quickly set in.
As Gianpaolo Furgiuele explains, “the ‘good move’ functions like an imaginary exam. At the beginning of a relationship, it creates the fear of not being good enough, of being judged, compared or rejected“. Difficult in these conditions to be relaxed and fully present.
This fear of not being “sure” sometimes transforms the exchange into a sort of silent test. Result: we listen less to others, we listen less to ourselves, and pleasure takes second place. By wanting to do well, we sometimes end up putting obstacles in our way.
The first time: myth or revealing reality?
The “first time” also has a great reputation… In many stories, it is presented as decisive, almost definitive. But according to the sexologist, “the first time is rarely a reliable indicator. It is often crossed by novelty, awkwardness, anticipation and anxiety“. In other words, these are not really the best conditions for judging anything.
Believing that this first experience would say everything about a relationship or sexual compatibility is above all a cultural myth, nourished by idealized images.
In reality, sexuality is built over time, through adjustments, discussions and mutual discoveries.
Technique, connection or dialogue?
When we talk about sexual pleasure, the question often comes up: should we focus on technique, emotional connection or communication? For Gianpaolo Furgiuele, the answer is clear: “Technique alone is not enough. Pleasure arises above all from the quality of the bond, from the ability to speak to one another, to listen to one another and to adjust mutually.“.
The body is not a machine that would work on its own with the right instructions. It’s about meeting, shared feelings and exchanges. Dialogue plays a central role here, whether through words or gestures.
“Dialogue allows desire to circulate. Emotional connection creates a safe space where pleasure can truly unfold” says Gianpaolo Furgiuele.
Sexual pleasure is therefore built less around a fantasized ideal than in a relationship where everyone feels free to express their desires, their limits and their sensations, without pressure or final notes.