A damaged dress, a cold dish, a family outlet that breaks out at the worst moment … which must have been “the best day of your life” leaves you a bitter taste.
Indeed, marriage can become the scene of a huge gap between fantasized expectations and raw reality, which will not be experienced in the same way.
For some, this dissonance will be experienced as a simple setback. For others, it opens the way to a deep emotional shock. Clinical psychologist Johanna Rozenblum deciphers what is really playing out when this symbolic day goes wrong.
“”For some people, marriage is a formality. For others, it must be the best day of their lives“She observes.”So a wedding that is wrong? For those who put so much energy, dreams, hope … A simple detail may be enough to switch the whole. “
Why a failed marriage can leave lasting traces
What is experienced as a disaster is not always proportional to the incident. A false note or family tension is enough to fracture an idealized mental image. “The psychological impact can be very strong“Underlines Johanna Rozenblum.”We can nourish bitterness, a feeling of injustice, even regrets or trauma linked to this day which is perceived as a failure “.
This emotional weight is in the place that marriage occupies in the collective imagination. It often crystallizes years of projections, fantasies, and almost unrealistic expectations. And when everything is not going as expected, the pain is all the more lively. “”In addition it is the first time, and we have not had two first times“Recalls the psychologist.
Change your perception of marriage to get better
After the amazement, comes the moment of “rework the representations that we have on marriage“. In other words, to re-examine what this day really means. Is it a simple social ritual? A child’s dream? Or the beginning of a deeper commitment?
Johanna Rozenblum offers to move her gaze. “”It is by modifying its representations that we can continue to advance“. Basically, getting married is not a perfect party, but make a lasting choice.”Finally, aren’t we still married to the person we wanted to marry? Doesn’t life take its course as it had to? “
Symbolically repair a spoiled day
Those who struggle to turn the page can turn to restorative experiences. The idea: to replay, on another date, a moment of celebration released from tensions. A gesture that is both symbolic and soothing. “It can be to redo, on a anniversary date, a day that could again symbolize this union” proposes the psychologist. Far from the initial pressure, this second chance allows you to reclaim the event and close an injury that is still lively.
No need for great staging. The important thing is that the moment looks like what we would have liked. And let him come, in his own way, to rewrite the story for a day not quite like the others.