Screams, tears, sudden gestures… When a child enters an “emotional storm”, parents feel helpless in the face of this intensity which never seems to want to stop. However, far from being a whim, this phenomenon finds its origin in the very functioning of the child’s brain. Scientific explanations now allow us to better understand why these crises seem endless and how to support them effectively.
The emotional cycle lasts 90 seconds… in theory
According to the work of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist at Harvard, an emotion follows a specific biological cycle. When it arises, a cocktail of hormones – adrenaline, cortisol, norepinephrine – invades the body. This hormonal peak peaks and then drops naturally in about 90 seconds. This is the “primary emotional reaction”, a completely natural and universal process.
If the emotion is welcomed and can discharge freely, it effectively follows this cycle without hindrance. But the problem arises when it is interrupted, minimized or repressed. In this case, the emotion remains stuck in the body and the loop starts again, again and again. As the Instagram account Neuro Parentalité, which specializes in decoding the child’s brain, points out, this accumulation explains why certain crises never seem to end.
An immature brain unable to stop the loop
Unlike adults who can ruminate but also put things into perspective thanks to their mature prefrontal cortex, young children do not have this regulatory tool. Before the age of 5 to 6, this part of the brain – which allows you to calm down, take a step back and slow down your reactions – is still under construction. The neural connections needed to interrupt the emotional loop simply don’t exist yet.
The child in crisis is therefore neither provoking his parents, nor “deliberately adding to it”. He is literally overwhelmed by his nervous system. To complete his emotional cycle, he needs to physically unload what is happening in his body: crying, screaming, trembling, the need to move, jump, kick a cushion or take refuge in the arms of a parent. These manifestations, far from being excessive, constitute its healthy and natural way of releasing the excess.
Co-regulation, the key to long-term appeasement
What to do in the face of these storms? Specialists recommend letting the child experience his emotions safely, in a reassuring environment. The caring presence of an adult gives them the space they need to get through the emotional cycle. By staying close to him, recognizing what he feels and practicing “co-regulation” – that is, helping him weather the storm without judging it – parents gradually build the neural connections that will allow him, later, to calm down on his own.
This co-regulation requires patience and repetition. Often, evening crises concentrate all the emotions accumulated during the day, particularly at nursery or school where the child had to contain himself. “What you do takes courage, patience and a lot of love. With each storm, you help your child build his future regulation“, reminds Neuro Parentalité. Understanding the neurological mechanisms at play allows parents to get through these difficult times with more serenity and efficiency.