Between the sheets of everyday life and those of the forbidden, pleasure is clearly not in the same category. According to a survey by the Gleeden platform, conducted among more than 3,000 unfaithful women, only 13% systematically reach orgasm with their official partner, compared to 52% with their lover. A big statistical gap that says a lot about the mechanics of desire.
Why do unfaithful women orgasm more often with their lover?
The reasons? There are many of them, but the foreplay takes pride of place. More than half of the women surveyed say that their lover pays more attention to caresses and stimulation of the clitoris. Clearly, Mr. Lover would put less time on the clock and more heart to the work…
But for Gianpaolo Fugiuele, the difference is not only technical (not at all even): “With a lover, many women feel freer, less judged, more desired. The forbidden, the novelty, the transgression reactivate desire and boost the neurotransmitters of pleasure: dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline. It’s not the lover who changes everything, it’s the brain“This chemistry of pleasure has its logic: the brain loves novelty.”In novelty there is the unknown. We want to please, we want to explore, we take the time for the body“, explains the sexologist.
In short, when everyday life becomes too well organized, it is often elsewhere that desire finds its home. And, sometimes, the performance itself becomes a sensual game: “Contrary to what one might think, the performance becomes erotic because it awakens curiosity and play“. The lover wants to do well to prove that he deserves his place as the “new kid”. And above all, he is there to fulfill a desire, not to resolve all the couple’s worries, which leaves him all the time and mind to concentrate on the pleasure of Madame.
When infidelity frees the body… and the mind
Behind these carnal escapades there is often a deeper quest: that of freedom. For Gianpaolo Fugiuele, it is a phenomenon anchored in history and social codes: “I believe that for centuries, women have been locked into very specific boxes. She is then a wife, mother, guardian of the home. For her, the pleasure had to remain discreet. Society today still values the faithful, maternal woman, but has difficulty supporting the desiring woman.“.
The lover then becomes a symbolic space where everything becomes possible again: “With a lover, she escapes from this reactionary framework. Behind infidelity, there is often a need for adrenaline, vitality, reappropriation of the body, especially in a couple where certain practices are still ‘forbidden and judged’“.
“The lover is the symbolic place in which the woman ceases to be assigned to a ‘role’ to once again become a desiring body“.
In other words, when fidelity stifles the inner fire, transgression rekindles the flame. And in this blaze, guilt is not always the strongest: often, it is curiosity that wins.
Sensuality, this engine too often restricted
The Gleeden study also highlights a fundamental aspect of pleasure: the sensuality of the moment. And it’s not really a detail since it would even be the main fuel of satisfaction. “Yes, sensuality is important. But contrary to what public opinion thinks, certain people, whom I call ‘sexophiles’, place sexuality at the heart of their balance.“, says Gianpaolo Fugiuele. However, the sexologist qualifies: “There are couples who practice swinging, BDSM, candaulism or group sex and, often, it is the lady who is at the initiative. In these practices where the woman is as much an actor as the man, there is not only tenderness of the senses“.
In other words, female pleasure is not limited to gentleness, it is also nourished by boldness. “There is an assumed sexuality, more instinctive, more raw, that our culture still prefers to judge. And it is precisely in this intensity that the libido expresses itself most freely. The lover, in this context, becomes the catalyst of this uninhibited desire“, specifies the expert.
So, should we conclude that adultery is a solution? No, of course. It’s not so much in the performance that the somersaults are better, but rather in what they produce in the brains of these ladies! However, this study reminds us of at least one thing: in the great book of desire, the “routine” chapter is rarely the most thrilling.