Because films, books and love songs have too often erected passionate and destructive love as obvious, even a “healthy” way of loving, we sometimes find ourselves getting tired of a story without clouds. However, love in a peaceful way, without roller coaster or mountains, can be saving, according to Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
Love, the real one, is not necessarily tormented
It is 8:00 p.m. The meal is ready, the children are lying down and your companion ends up folding the linen. On paper, everything is perfect, but you bubble: is it really the life you have always dreamed of? Where did this passionate romance that you have so far shielded? In reality, the problem is not so much your daily life, as the way you have been conditioned.
“We grew up with films, love songs, twists and turns. The arguments followed by reconciliations on the pillow … Love, the real one, had to be a tornado. A story of lack, tension, reunion. So necessarily, when a relationship becomes stable, calm, reassuring … We are starting to doubt. We are bored. Love, the real one is necessarily more tormented “, says Amélie Boukhobza.
But perhaps it is necessary to review what is called “passion“. “Because if it is based only on an overflow of insecurity, expectations and roller coaster … suffering is inevitable. And love, the real one is something else”, warns the psychologist.
Waiting for your toxic prince charming is therefore not a purpose. Perhaps it is finally François, your lifelong friend, who is and will remain your “great love story“. Because he alone knows you at your fingertips and understands you as a person – despite his taciturn character and his aversion to arguments.
Learn to love otherwise
Prefecting calm to bursts, appeasement to evenings that end badly, can be good, reminds Amélie Boukhobza.“To be conditioned on passionate love is to confuse intensity and sincerity. To seek fusion rather than construction. To think that without drama, there is nothing to tell … which is obviously false.”
In reality, loving differently can save you.
“To learn to love otherwise, it is first to learn to regulate yourself. To no longer seek to be” taken “or” stirred “at all costs. To understand that a simple relationship is not a bland relationship. It is a relationship in which we think, we breathe, we are away, we come back. A relationship in which we do not need to go bad to feel alive. Calm, sometimes, is proof that we are good “, concludes the practitioner.