Repeat the same instructions ten times, get annoyed, raise your voice… then feel guilty. This scene familiar to many parents is not a sign of a lack of authority or ill will on the part of the child. It is explained above all by the functioning of the brain of toddlers, as demonstrated by a key experiment in developmental psychology.
When talking isn’t enough: what the science reveals
Every day you feel like you’re speaking into a void. Your child seems not to hear, or not understand, what you are asking him. This situation can quickly become exhausting and generate a feeling of helplessness. However, according to specialists, this behavior is far from intentional.
Jean-Philippe Geffriaud, teacher and parenting consultant, draws on a well-known experiment in developmental psychology: “the scale error”, conducted by researcher Judy DeLoache. This study highlights the very particular way in which young children learn and understand the world.
The “scale error” experiment that sheds light on children’s behavior
In this experiment, toddlers first play with normal-sized objects: a chair, a slide, a car. So far, nothing unusual. But when these objects are replaced by miniature versions, children still try to sit on them, climb on them or enter them, even if it is physically impossible.
Why such a reaction? Because, in young children, understanding comes first and foremost through action. Their brains learn by doing, not by listening to long explanations. As Jean-Philippe Geffriaud summarizes: saying a rule is not enough. To integrate an instruction, the child needs to experience it concretely.
How to be better listened to every day: three simple tips
By taking this mode of learning into account, it becomes possible to adapt the way you communicate with your child.
Focus on demonstration rather than discourse
Rather than multiplying explanations, show what you expect. A clear and visual action will always be more meaningful for a young child, especially if it takes the form of a game.
Do things with him at the start
Shared action helps the child’s brain integrate instructions more quickly. By supporting him with patience and kindness, you strengthen his feeling of security and his ability to cooperate.
Intervene calmly and explain later
In the event of inappropriate behavior, the main thing is to stop the action without getting angry, to offer an alternative, then to talk about it again once the emotion has subsided. At this age, learning occurs first through the body, then through words. The calm and reassuring presence of the adult are essential benchmarks.
Understanding that the child’s brain is still under construction allows us to change our perspective on these everyday situations. And often, to appease both the parents… and the children.