Researchers have repeated it for decades: friendship acts as a shield against solitude, depression and even the risk of premature death. But it is not so much the number of friends who count as the quality of the links. To this end to know who to count can greatly help you to move forward.
The best friend, a pillar of health
In the Vox media, psychologist Meliksah Demir sums up it as follows:
“What research has constantly shown for three decades is that friendship is a reliable indicator of individual well-being. But it is not necessarily the number of friends that counts is the quality of your best friendship.”
In other words, it is better a deep and sincere link than a full address book.
He is not the first to evoke the importance of this hierarchy in friendship. Long before him, Aristotle already distinguished three forms of friendship: that based on pleasure, that of utility and that of virtue – the noblest, because it pushes friends to become better together. It is often in this one that we designate a better friend. The one who returns a stronger version of ourselves.
A total intimacy link
According to psychologist Jaimie Arona Krems, also speaking in Vox, which distinguishes a best friend, is above all the confidence and a deeper intimacy: “A greater opening, greater intimacy, a stronger sense of shared reality. “
These friendships are not measured at the frequency of messages, but to the ability to be there – really – when everything is bad. “”With best friends, it is expected that we are there for them, and they for us, whatever the situation. “
Having at least one person who knows you intimately is therefore enough to remove emotional solitude, that which does not depend on the number of contacts, but on the depth of the link. And this person does not need to be a romantic partner: a real friend can play this role. A “bestie”, as we say today.
Classify to love better?
According to these psychologists, it would therefore be useful to sort your loved ones to keep only the best. Those who wear you. Being prioritizing your friends may seem cruel, but it is a lucid way to recognize where to concentrate your emotional energy. In a world saturated with superficial interactions, identifying your emotional priorities is preserving your time, mental health and authenticity.
As Jaimie Arona Krems points out: “say:”This person is my best friend “is to put his cards on the table. But it is also a strong signal of engagement that strengthens the links between two people.”
“A friend is not a Swiss knife”
But not everyone shares this vision of friendly sorting. For psychologist Johanna Rozenblum, rather than classifying our friends, it would be healthier to learn to develop our expectations as we grow:
“More than to sort through, I think that in adulthood, you have to evolve in your link to the other. When you are young, you have very exclusive, almost fusional friendships. Growing up, you have to learn that a friend, it’s not a Swiss knife.”
In other words, no need to look THE Best friend capable of filling everything:
“We can have the friend with whom we go out to have fun, the one we confide in, or the one with whom we share a passion. Everyone has their place, their personality, and their way of being present in our life. In the same way as us, we cannot meet all the needs of those around us.”
In short, sorting among your friends can help clarify your priorities, but wanting to rationalize everything is likely to reduce the richness of human relationships. Friendship, basically, is not a competition. It is a mosaic: everyone to choose how to have the parts. And after all, nothing prevents you from having several “best” friends, each in an area.