A few months before your child’s marriage, anxiety rises: how to serenely approach the reunion with your ex-spouse and its new partner? A delicate situation that psychologist Pascal Anger dissects, to help you find the right attitude.
Communication remains the key
Some ex-players manage to get along very well. And so much the better! But how to integrate the new partner into this dynamic?
“In reality, it is essential to predict a” meeting “before the event, in order to avoid the tensions. Otherwise, the risk is great to see conflicts arise … which can even disturb a wedding or transform the party into a fiasco “, warns Pascal Anger.
For this, obviously, you have to … communicate. “J” first invites the ex -spouses to communicate with each other, to clear up the situation, then to speak of it with their new companions to see if they agree to meet in this context “, underlines the psychologist.
Children, for their part, also have a role to play.
“”But they can quickly find themselves trapped: they would like to invite everyone but fear the conflict of loyalty. If adults are not able to manage the situation, it is better not to impose this weight to them “, Ensures the expert.
On D -Day, what to do? What to say?
The minimum is that the ex and the new spouse are politely greet, remain cordial and each retain their place, without interfering.
“Of course, the divorce/separation between the original couple should not be close to the event. A certain period of time must flow so that the breakup is really acted – and that new people are involved in these situations”, warns the specialist.
What can help all these little people? Family mediation, of course, which offers a neutral space to exchange and bury the ax of war. Because to communicate in the child’s interest remains preferable – although it should (also) accept that getting along is not an obligation.
Finally, if one of the parents cannot take a step back, is a disturbance or intrusive, limits can be laid.
“In this case, it will be necessary to assess how far the communication is possible, and sometimes knowing how to take distance “, admits Pascal Anger.
A recommendation to adapt of course, in office “of each, his experience and what he knows about his parent“.