Your place in siblings may well be the key to your love compatibility. On Tiktok, the “Birth Order Theory” is experiencing a renewed interest. The idea is simple: the birth order – whether you are an only child, elder, in the middle or youngest – would deeply influence your personality … and therefore your couple relationships. Popularized by Alfred Adler at the beginning of the 20th century, this psychiatory theory resurfaces today, supported by new works and the viral interest of young adults. And if we believe some therapists, the impact would be far from trivial. Because behind the family organization would hide a real emotional scheme, determining our expectations, our anxieties and our romantic behaviors.
What science says about the order of birth and personality
The origin of this theory dates back to Alfred Adler, a dissident student of Freud, who already affirmed in 1920 that the birth order plays a key role in the psychological development of the individual. According to him, the family environment shapes distinct features according to the rank occupied by the child.
Today, this idea has lost none of its relevance. Annie Wright, a family therapist quoted by Business Insider, says that “the birth order can influence personality traits and the dynamics of relationships“, specifying that it also affects”The qualities you are looking for in a partner“. She emphasizes that”Parental vigilance, often higher for elders, or the unequal distribution of emotional resources, shape each child differently“.
Chance Marshall, therapist and co -founder of Self Space, goes further in the columns of Cosmopolitan UK: “Seniors may feel pressure to excel, or be aggressive in reaction to this expectation“. In unique children, these expectations persist, but without fraternal rivalry: they develop marked emotional independence, but also a tendency to internalize.
Seniors, cadets, youngest: how your family role influences your relationships
The theory goes beyond the simple personality: it offers an emotional reading of our love patterns. And some profiles stand out with very distinct features:
- Seniors: Often described as responsible and structured, they would tend to seek stability and control This rigor can sometimes turn to a desire for emotional domination;
- Unique children: Close to the elders in their expectations, they are distinguished by their great autonomy and a form of sentimental detachment, having grown up without siblings;
- Children in the middle: Caught in vice between the expectations laid on the elder and the freedom of the youngest, they would be more inclined to avoid conflicts, to want to please at all costs, and to show strong diplomacy;
- The youngest: Often perceived as creative and spontaneous, they would seek in their relationships a balance between freedom and recognition.
This scheme seduces many Internet users because it offers simplified but speaking reading keys, like a psychological horoscope.
A theory to be handled with care according to experts
If this reading grid can seduce, it is not a universal truth. Anne Wright recalls that one cannot speak in absolute, whether in astrology or in the order of birth. Each individual is influenced by countless factors: differences in parental treatment, family trauma, socio-economic context …
Chance Marshall warns the current tendency to over-pathologize ordinary human experiences. For him, these theories certainly offer a framework for reflection, but can reduce complex dynamics to fixed categories, thus slowing down real introspection.