After American, English or even Brazilian versions, Love is blind launched its French season on Netflix, to start the fall well. The concept of this program hosted by Teddy Riner? Singles meet in individual “capsules” to get to know each other without ever seeing themselves (and not let the appearance influence them). To sort it out, you have to go fast, ask the essential questions and be as sincere as possible (in theory). Later, singles who have chosen themselves will, of course, experience this complicity on a daily basis (and in front of the cameras). But are there specific questions that can save you time during a first appointment? Yes, according to experts.
“How would your ex of your relationship speak?”
Faced with the American version, psychologists and therapists have thought about the essential questions to ask during a first appointment. Asking the question about ex is a classic that can say a lot about how the person deals with his loved ones.
The question of past relationships can also quickly determine if the person is ready to admit his faults and assume responsibility, or if he has trouble being honest. A good test, simple and quick. “”We never completely come a virgin history in a couple, she recalls, but it is still necessary that the previous stories are really closed. No ghosts in the closet“Confirms Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, in True Medical.
“How did you manage the differences with your exes?”
This legitimate question will allow you to know the major differences and possible crippling factors from the start (differences in culture, religion, political vision, etc.). But above all, it will allow you to understand their opinion on the differences in general.
“”If they think you have to agree on everything, it will be difficult to be in a relationship with them, because you risk losing your identity and your voice trying to align yourself on the other“says Anita A. Chlipala, marital and family therapist in the Huffpost. The concept of difference must indeed be approached at one time or another. As Amélie Boukhobza also reminds us: “Even if the common fundamental values are important – the family, the meaning of life, what is a base -, it is not the number of common points which explains compatibility, but the way in which we manage the divergences. “
“What are you doing right now to make your future proud you?”
For his part, Justin Dodson, therapist specializing in the couple, finds that this question makes it possible to assess if the person is in tune with your desires and your projects.
“”This question allows you to know if the person with whom you share your time projects in the future and if he tries to become the one she wants to be: that she tries to change many things or that he already leads her life, you should be able to assess your compatibility from her answer“In itself, there is no good or bad answer. Simply, this question can determine whether the one life project of one can agree that of the other.
“What title would you give to a book on your life?”
Finally, a slightly more philosophical question, but which can say a lot about the values of a person. “”His answer can show how he approaches relationships: does he consider himself the hero of his own story? Is it open to change or ready for adventure? ” continues the therapist. “It also allows you to feel if the other knows how to tell yourself otherwise that in CV mode“, Adds our expert. A way of approaching the rest with more serenity or, on the contrary, to put a quick final point, without denigrating the person.
The important thing: requests that question the way of being
The point in common to these questions? They target the way of being and acting in the potential partner. A tactic that can save you time, whether the question is to continue or not.
“”Talking about love compatibility is not only to ask if the other likes travel or prefers the mountain to the sea. It is going a little further: understanding your way of loving, managing conflicts, projecting yourself …“Confirms Amélie Boukhobza. In this sense, the questions proposed by The Huffington Post are interesting, because they a little jostle the codes of style: What do you like to do in life? What is your situation?. “”Still, you have to be able to respond sincerely“, Emits the shrink, however.
Finally, not to forget: a first meeting is not an interrogation, but an encounter. “”These questions should not be tests, just open doors. And it is in the way in which they will be received, in the sincerity of the answers – or even in the silences of elsewhere – that a part of compatibility will already be played.“By also leaving a place to listen to micro-perceptions and small intuitions … which often say long!