These days you have a lot on your heart. Small period of doubts or real test, your relationship is in trouble and this has not escaped you. Result ? You need to talk about it. To put words on your romantic future to breathe or find a solution.
Confiding your relationship problems: a natural reflex… but not neutral
When the relationship goes through a zone of turbulence, the desire to call a trusted friend seems obvious. We seek comfort, a listening ear, sometimes even validation. But be careful who you open up to on the subject. Because as Johanna Rozenblum reminds us, “It all depends on the friend in question..
“The friend listens to us, yes. But there is a lot of emotion. There can be opinions, opinions, positioning which interfere with the discussion”, she explains.
Especially since the friend in question may have reservations about your story. Or make connections with your own story, which has nothing to do with it.
In other words, the friend is not always able to hear without judging, without projecting his or her own story or without taking sides. Their reactions, even involuntary, can amplify your doubts instead of allaying them.
When the friend becomes the guardian of too heavy a weight
That’s not all. Confiding in a loved one is never without consequences, adds our psychologist. “Because once the crisis is over, your friend stays with everything you told him.”
According to Johanna Rozenblum: “The friend finds himself the keeper of secrets, of problems linked to the couple or the spouse. He must keep to himself, digest, adapt… This can even disrupt the relationship.”
Your friend may then feel stuck between loyalty, discomfort and worry. Sometimes, he will continue to have a negative opinion of your partner, even if you have moved on. Result: this puts additional pressure on the relationship… and on the friendship.
As Johanna Rozenblum so rightly reminds us “A friend is not necessarily an emotional Swiss army knife. It is not intended to carry all our doubts, our anger, our couple secrets.”
So, who to talk to?
However, our advice is certainly not to keep everything to yourself, to keep everything quiet. Speaking remains essential, when silence is damaging.
But it is sometimes preferable to turn to a professional, psychologist, therapist, mediator, or to start by reopening the dialogue directly with your partner, even timidly.
Because what couples in crisis lack most is not an outside opinion… but a space for healthy communication between the two people involved.
Couple in crisis: 7 simple actions to reconnect
In a previous article, Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, gave us 7 ideas for renewing dialogue, above all in your relationship:
- Break the silence intelligently. A first step may be enough:
“I want to understand what’s going on.” No need for a big speech: just show openness, even if the discussion starts awkwardly. - Take a break to ease the tension. When everything is igniting, taking a step back is not running away. It’s coming back clearer, more calm, fairer.
- Take an unexpected action. A small gift, an impromptu outing, a pleasant shared moment… It reintroduces softness where everything was tense.
- Review your expectations. Ask yourself: what is really essential? What can I adjust? What can we rethink together?
- Take responsibility for your part. Even minimal. Recognizing that you may have contributed to the tensions can reverse the dynamic. It’s not blaming yourself, it’s taking responsibility for the relationship.
- Create something new. A weekly ritual, a common activity, a fixed appointment… A bubble just for you to get together.
- Ask for an outside perspective when going in circles. We come back to it. A therapist, a mediator. Seeking help is caring for the relationship, not admitting failure.